OK, play time is over. Last week’s article on five things to do with your obsolete Apple TV was meant to bring some light humor to your day, but we heard your comments loud and clear. Many of you looking for legitimate tips on what to do with an old Apple TV felt misled by the headline when you wound up scrolling through a sarcastic list. For that, we apologize. I apologize.

But we’re not all talk and no action at Cult of Mac. Without further ado, here is an actual list of nine things – four extras because we like you a lot – that you can do with your old or soon-to-be-obsolete Apple TV. For real this time. Seriously.

We have the technology. We can make the Cult of Mac website better than it was. Better, stronger, faster.

We can and we did (and it didn’t cost us $6 million, either). In this week’s issue of Cult of Mac Magazine for iPhone and iPad, you’ll get the scoop on our website’s redesign, plus updates on Apple TV, opinions on Apple Watch and some totally disarming selfies.

Editor’s note: This is a humor piece. If you are looking for legitimate uses for your old Apple TV, you might want to read this article instead: “9 practical uses for your obsolete Apple TV.”

All rumors and speculation point to a brand new model of the Apple TV – and it’s about time. It should be complete with better hardware and finally its own App Store.

You might be hoping for a software update that will bring the App Store to your current Apple TV, but it’s not likely. Apple could pretty easily claim that older models don’t have the hardware to support it. You’re probably thinking your current set-top box will soon be totally obsolete, but if that’s your mentality, fear not. Here are five things you can do with your Apple TV when it becomes old news in September.

Unsurprisingly, Apple’s attempts to reinvent television come with a few challenges attached. One of these is the fact that if the company wants to broadcast affiliate feeds, it must somehow wade through the complex rights issues that currently exist for local TV.

In short, Apple wouldn’t be allowed to show local programs from stations affiliated with networks such as CBS, ABC, NBC and Fox, because — despite these networks airing the content — they don’t actually own it.

Apple has expanded its “Shot on iPhone” print ad campaign with a batch of videos showing off the kind of beautiful footage it’s possible to record using the latest iPhone.

Instead of calling in the pros to film spectacular sights, the ads focus on serendipitous slices of everyday life, such as a ladybug on a twig or a sparrow eating from a person’s hand. As with the “Shot on iPhone” print ads, the spots were crowdsourced from regular iPhone users.

And you know what? Considering that each one is just 15 seconds long (with five seconds being the Apple logo and the “Shot on iPhone 6” tagline), they’re actually pretty darn great!

TV executives are lining up for a chance to possibly ink a deal for Apple’s new streaming TV service, but if you were hoping to ditch cable right after WWDC, you’ll have to keep waiting.

Before Apple finally unveils its long-awaited update for the Apple TV, the company is reportedly looking to add a key new feature that rival streaming services don’t have: local TV.

Rumors surrounding Apple’s plans for TV have been picking up considerably as its Worldwide Developers Conference draws near in June.

But the idea of a standalone Apple TV set (not the little hockey puck that exists already) eventually becoming a reality is starting to look pretty bleak. Not everyone has given up hope, though. As the biggest proponent of the Apple HDTV rumor throws in the towel, one of the world’s most powerful investors remains convinced that it will happen.

There have been plenty of rumors about the refreshed Apple TV set to arrive at WWDC, but two of the biggest concern the fact that it will feature a revolutionary gesture-based user interface and a new focus on gaming.

Possibly tying into that is a newly-published patent from Apple, which describes a pattern projector which would use laser beams to map the 3D space between the device and a user — thereby allowing a person to carry out motions as a way of interacting with specific apps.

And, yes, that includes games.

As it turns out, not only is Apple not pursuing an entry into the UltraHD TV market, but it stopped development on the project last year.

That’s not to say that it won’t ever grace your living room (even more than it already is), but maybe don’t chuck out your old TV just yet.