Editor’s note: This is a humor piece. If you are looking for legitimate uses for your old Apple TV, you might want to read this article instead: “9 practical uses for your obsolete Apple TV.”
All rumors and speculation point to a brand new model of the Apple TV – and it’s about time. It should be complete with better hardware and finally its own App Store.
You might be hoping for a software update that will bring the App Store to your current Apple TV, but it’s not likely. Apple could pretty easily claim that older models don’t have the hardware to support it. You’re probably thinking your current set-top box will soon be totally obsolete, but if that’s your mentality, fear not. Here are five things you can do with your Apple TV when it becomes old news in September.
1. Use it as a bookend
Photo: Ben Babcock/Flickr CC
Don’t you hate when the pesky books on your shelf won’t stay up? You don’t have enough books to fill the gap in your bookcase and you definitely don’t want to run out to spend money on a proper bookend. So just use your obsolete Apple TV. You know you’re going to cave and buy the new one with better hardware anyway, so the old model makes a terrific bookend. Place it flat next to the books – even on its side or at an angle. Never worry about your books toppling over again.
2. Play some killer street hockey
Photo: Michael Beck/Flickr CC
One design flaw of the Apple TV is its rubberized bottom. It stays firm on tabletops, but Apple didn’t even consider the possibility of customers wanting to use it as a hockey puck. Fortunately, Cult of Mac has a workaround for you: flip it upside down and strike away at it. You may not be able to brag about owning an Apple-branded hockey puck while the logo is facing the ground, but it’s a small price to pay for a friendly game of hockey with kids on the block.
3. Organize the largest line of dominoes ever
Photo: Martin Fisch/Flickr CC
Tens of millions of Apple TVs prior to the new one in September have already been sold – much more than the record 4.3 million line of dominoes toppled in the Netherlands. Start an online forum to hunt down fellow customers and organize a meet-up and bring your Apple TVs. Topple them like dominoes in an extremely long line and get creative. I bet you never thought your Apple TV would help you set a world record.
4. Fix your wobbly chair
Photo: Quinn Dombrowski/Flickr CC
Everyone has a slightly broken or wobbly chair with legs that don’t all reach the floor. No one should have to live life like that and thanks to the Apple TV, you don’t have to. Slip your $69 entertainment device underneath the wobbly leg of your chair to stabilize it for good. Encourage your house guests to write in to Apple praising the Apple TV for saving a potentially inadequate dining experience.
5. Sell it for food
Photo: Rolando Mendez/Flickr CC
The iPad Pro is probably debuting this fall along with other refreshed iPad models. The successors to the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus should hit shelves this September. The Apple TV with new hardware and an App Store will make its first appearance. Bottom line: you have a lot of expensive purchases to make this fall. If you don’t play hockey or read books, you might want to sell your current Apple TV in exchange for groceries. You’ll be much happier streaming Netflix with popcorn and a soda.
George Tinari has covered Apple and technology for over six years. On the rare occasion that he’s not sitting in front of his laptop, you can find him eating, awkwardly socializing, listening to music or singing along loudly to said music. You can also follow George on Twitter if you need more complaints and sarcasm in your timeline.
42 responses to “5 things to do with your obsolete Apple TV”
Click bait BS
Given the serious pollution and problems of electronic waste products, especially in developing countries, how about a “real” column about the usages for an Apple TV? For instance, using with an Airport express in order to duplicate an iPad’s screen on an HDMI monitor without using a cable from the iPad (assuming that still works?), etc? Every time I come back to try CoM, it seems the “columns” are either shilling for products or lame attempts at “humour”. Sad.
Yeah this was weak and unfunny. I have five apple tvs and I am not worried. I will move them to a few area around my home where I can use them as music streamers like my garage and bathroom. They work way better for streaming music via AirPlay to a stereo than the worst product ever made airport express (imo)
hheh … not realy funny sorry … a useful thing i do with my apple tv is stick it to the projector and watch movies like it’s supposed to be and share ideas and funny things with my friends from my mac
Yeah. About ready to jettison CoM from my daily reads. It’s mostly just click bait interspersed with new and stupid ways to destroy apple products and stuff like this. This site seems to exist more to serve up ads than anything else, sorry to say.
Thankfully, because of Adblock, I’ll bet most people don’t really even see the adverts these days.
When the new AppleTV comes out it would probably be best to replace all the older ones. They’ll be practically useless. I dumped (put them aside in my computer junk bin) all my older Rokus when I got Roku 3s. The older Rokus felt antiquated to use after using the Roku 3. I wish I knew someone who wanted them but I don’t know anyone.
I want one.
Send them all to me. I will pay shipping. Seriously…
Strike 2 Cult of Mac.
Was this really worth publishing?
These idiots don’t know good humor. I laughed at this and had all my friend areas it and they thought it was hilarious. Don’t mind the stupid idiots trolls who surf the Internet. Listen to the good guy here. I speak on behalf of the smart people.
No, you speak on behalf of adolescents who only appreciate sophomoric humor.
This is by far the worst article I’ve read in cultofmac
One of the dumbest articles you have done
What a stupid article. This “writer” should be replaced.
Please never employ this “writer” again. This isn’t an article, it’s just drivel.
And now we can add to the list deleting comments that take exception with the policy of this website to endlessly shill for advertisers (assuming this comment is not deleted as the last one was). Sad.
Cult of Mac was reaching down the bottom of the writer talent barrel when they hired this guy to write this article. I’m sure he meant it to be amusing, but c’mon, this was just a waste if time and flat out stupid.
Womp womp
FU** YOU GEORGE.
Once upon a time CoM was a resource. Sophomoric BS like this make sit a waste of time.
The author is a university student so he could very well be a sophomore. At the very least CoM needs to revise the definition of ‘obsolete’ in their editorial standards (such as they are).
worst article ever on cultofmac
George is a freelance writer and university student. Where? North Duhh-kota?!? After spending 6 years covering Apple, if this worthless line of BS is the best that can be done, this university student needs to fail his internship.
“5 things to do with your obsolete Apple TV”
Should read: “What to do with an Apple TV (other than what most people do which is give it away or sell it), if and when it ever becomes obsolete”
It appears with the newly revised Cult of Mac, new “writers” have been brought on who are intent on posting drivel.
This was dumb. This was real dumb.
Useless article frankly.
Someone needs to look up the meaning of the word obsolete at cultofmac.
At least you got some site traffic.
Sad.
How I recycle most of my Apple products is giving them to friends once I’m done. So the Apple TV I have is going to be retired to a friend of mine. Yes it reboots itself every hour or so. But it is still usable. Maybe restoring it to factory default will fix that. :)
well, you’ve finally done it. you’ve finally written one too many stupid articles instead of providing anything of substance. so today, after years of reading this site, i will sign off for good and move on to sites that actually have content worth reading. yours is a waste of time and bandwidth.
couldnt agree more, removed from ‘favourites’
idiocy incarnate
Wow. All the other commenters clearly have no sense of humor. Go ahead and leave; take your stupid negativity elsewhere. No one cares about your dumb opinions anyway.
cult of mac- great new look, even more inane content!
“Hilarious”, said the lady who didn’t buy an Apple TV!
Weak
“I spit at the question!”
Much better Idea. Bring it to work, hook it up to the conference room Tv projector. Now everybody with an iPhone/iPad kan show pictures/powerpoints from their hand….it’s pretty persuasive, great fun and …a lot of people will like you and the idea….
LAME. Seriously George you get paid to write this drivel? I don’t want to know what you really did to get that job.
Wow, you actually did that article. Impressed!
Don’t listen to these cry babies, it gave me a chuckle, maybe not a LOL, but a chuckle non the less.
Wow, this article was terrible and unfunny. Humor works best when it has at least some element of truth. None of these uses would even work. It’s too light to be a bookend, too heavy to be a hockey puck, too thick to fix a wobbly chair, and too expensive to be a domino. And what do you even mean by obsolete? It still plays Netflix and HBO which is about all I need it to do.