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Apple Technical Support Thinks You’re A @#!$ing Idiot [Humor]

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In a support document for the iMac G5 that is still up on Apple’s website, Apple tech support advises Mac users on the proper way to pick up and carry a computer. Seriously.

Also note that this advice — pull cords out of electrical sockets, pick up with two hands — only applies to six specific models. If you’ve got a Mac Mini, 27-inch iMac or Mac Pro, and you’re in warranty, better get it on down to the Genius Bar for more technical help… but how?!?!?!?!

[via Gizmodo]

Apple Engineers Have Baked Ashton Kutcher Support Right Into iOS 5

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Apple has a pretty long and storied history naming their products after celebrities. In fact, it goes way back to 1994, when Apple’s engineers code-named the Power Mac 7100 “Carl Sagan” because they hoped to sell “billions and billions” of them. Sagan C&Ded Apple over the codename, which prompted Apple’s engineers to rename the computer internally to the BHA, or “Butt-Head Astronomer.”

Now reports indicate that Apple’s at it again, calling iOS 5’s upcoming Shortcut text-expansion feature after another butthead, Ashton Kutcher.

Teamsters Union Boss Charges Apple Being Unpatriotic

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Teamsters Union boss James Hoffa thinks Apple and other tech companies relying on overseas factories to make the gadgets Americans love are being unpatriotic. “Everything [Apple does] is in China, or in Asia somewhere…There’s something wrong with that,” Hoffa told a cable news interviewer on the eve of Labor Day.

When Is the iPhone 5 Coming Out? October 7th. Here’s The Complete Release Timeline [Predictions]

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Over the past few months, not a day has gone by that our Twitter feed hasn’t been been bombarded by a consistent string of questions that millions of hungry Apple fans are just clamoring to have answered:

When will Apple announced the iPhone 5?

When will I be able to preorder the iPhone 5?

When is the iPhone 5 coming out?

We think we know. Here’s the complete release timeline of the iPhone 5 we think you can expect, starting from which day we think Apple will send out invitations and continuing to the iPhone 5’s October 7th release date.

The Mac’s Best Screencasting App Is Totally Free Today

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Fancy yourself an up-and-coming screencaster? Want to do some of those sexy how-to videos the way Cult of Mac does?

Screeny developer Drew Wilson has knocked the price of his screencasting app down to free for today only, allowing even cheapskates without 15 bucks to rub together the ability to capture videos of what’s going on their Mac at any size.

You can grab it right now from the Mac App Store.

Student Transforms Painfully Long iTunes License Agreement Into Something Apple Would Be Proud Of

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Have you ever attempted to read the whole iTunes Software License Agreement after installation? No, me neither. And there’s one good reason for that: it’s so dull it makes me want to gauge out my eyeballs and smash up my Mac. But one grab student has transformed the endlessly boring body of text into a pain-free masterpiece that even Apple itself would be proud of. 

Find My iPhone Is Helping The Navy Find A Plane Crash In Chile! [Update: Found, All Passengers Dead]

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The Find My iPhone feature that Apple offers for free to users packing iPhones is helping the Navy to locate the wreckage of a plane that crashed just off the island of Robinson Crusoe in Chile. Rescue teams have yet been able to locate the plane since it went down, but thanks to Apple’s service, they are now one step closer.

MacUpdate’s Latest Bundle Is A Just Totally Psychotic Deal… And We Love It

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It’s gotten to the point that most Mac bundles are pretty blase affairs, but you can always trust MacUpdate to slide one past the gates of our cynicism. The latest MacUpdate bundle is a gobsmacker of a deal.

How good is it? They’re selling Roxio’s Toast Titanium optical disc authoring suite for half its retail price… then basically throwing in ten other equally excellent apps for free, including CoM favorite iStats Menu. Boom.

Discover New English, Foreign And Novelty Text-To-Speech Voices in Lion [OS X Tips]

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Voice-to-text speech technology quality has improved over the years and Apple is keeping up with the technology by introducing advancements in Mac OS X to support this technology. Mac OS X Lion doesn’t offer a lot of default voice choices, but armed with this tip you’ll find out that there is lot more for your ear to hear than what your eyes can see.

 

Still Waiting for Speech-to-Text in iOS 5? Your Carrier Already Has It

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A number of major carriers all over the globe have begun receiving a near-final build of Apple’s upcoming iOS 5 software for testing, according to one report. The software is said to be a newer than the beta recently seeded to developers, and includes a number of features that we’re still yet to see in previous betas, including that much-rumored speech-to-text technology.

Thunderbolt Displays Now Shipping To Stores In All Their $999 Sexiness

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Remember those sexy 27-inch Thunderbolt displays Apple announced it would sell once they slipped out the first Thunderbolt MacBook? They’re now zooming on their way to stores, featuring FaceTime HD cameras, 2.1 speaker systems, three USB ports, a lone Firewire 800 port, a Gigabit Ethernet port and a second Thunderbolt port for daisy chaining.

Don’t expect this to all run cheap, though. You’ll spend $999 for one, or about the price of a MacBook Air.

Kinetik Helps You Sniff Out Killer Apps Via Social Networking

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Social networking, schnetworking, right? Yeah, I know. I am so overshared I feel like a sexted pic at an 8th grade dance sometimes.

But I could still use good ideas about what apps or games are worth my time. Enter Kinetik: a free app whose goal is to help you share the apps you love for your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad and get suggestions from others about what is keeping them distracted during commute time or entertained during meetings.

Forget Apple, Google Wants to Buy Hulu

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Hot on the heels of the rumor that Apple is considering the acquisition of TV/movie streaming and subscription service Hulu, it’s now being reported that Google has entered the potential buyer foray with a handsome bid to put the others to rest.

Currently, Amazon, Yahoo, and the Dish Network are eying Hulu for a potential buyout, and there’s always the possibility that Apple could step in at the last minute. As of right now, Google may be the one that gets to take Hulu home.