Kris Arnold’s pisstake of the Chris Cocker/Britney video starts off pretty funny — see the video below — but like the original, it goes on a bit too long.
Still, there’s some good lines:
“How f—ing dare anyone even think about selling their Apple stock!”
“All you people care about are Mac rumors, and stock shares! He’s human!… mostly… except his brain… we think.”
“You’re f—-ing lucky he even gave you the iPhone, you bastards!”
Steve Jobs does not have a terminal illness, the New York Times says, in an amazing story that Jobs refused to cooperate in the writing of — but actually did in his own singular way.
On Thursday afternoon, several hours after I’d gotten my final “Steve’s health is a private matter” and much to my amazement Mr. Jobs called me. “This is Steve Jobs,” he began. “You think I’m an arrogant [expletive] who thinks he’s above the law, and I think you’re a slime bucket who gets most of his facts wrong.” After that rather arresting opening, he went on to say that he would give me some details about his recent health problems, but only if I would agree to keep them off the record. I tried to argue him out of it, but he said he wouldn’t talk if I insisted on an on-the-record conversation. So I agreed.
Because the conversation was off the record, I cannot disclose what Mr. Jobs told me. Suffice it to say that I didn’t hear anything that contradicted the reporting that John Markoff and I did this week. While his health problems amounted to a good deal more than “a common bug,” they weren’t life-threatening and he doesn’t have a recurrence of cancer. After he hung up the phone, it occurred to me that I had just been handed, by Mr. Jobs himself, the very information he was refusing to share with the shareholders who have entrusted him with their money.
Phot courtesy ZD Net
Piper Jaffray analyst Gene Munster issued a report Friday indicating Apple, Inc. Board of Directors should be obligated to inform shareholders of any material changes in Steve Jobs’ health that could impact his abilitiy to maintain his high-profile, active role in the company’s operations.
Citing the nature of Jobs’ public appearances and his active participation in the development of products like Macs and iPhones as aspects of Jobs’ role that make him material to the company’s performance, Munster wrote,”we believe that Apple’s board has a responsibility to disclose any changes that may impede him to continue to serve.”
Apple shares have been buffeted in trading since the company’s quarterly earnings call earlier this week, when CTO Peter Oppenheimer replied to questions about Jobs’ health by saying the topic is “a private matter.” A subsequent New York Times article indicated Jobs has recently been reassuring close associates that he remains cancer free in the wake of surgery earlier this year to deal with problems that had been causing him to lose weight.
Munster’s report today was meant to assure Piper Jaffray’s clients there is “no reason to believe that Steve Jobs will not continue to serve as Apple’s CEO,” and reaffirm Munster’s buy rating and $250 price target for Apple stock.
Via AppleInsider
Steve Jobs has been reassuring associates and colleagues about the state of his health, according to the New York Times. After undergoing treatment four years ago for a rare form of pancreatic cancer, Jobs is “cancer-free,” according to sources close to him, but he did undergo a surgical procedure this year to address a problem that was contributing to a loss of weight.
A great deal of speculation over Job’s health and uncertainty regarding his future prospects as CEO of Apple contributed to a sharp decline in Apple’s stock yesterday, after the company reported solid earnings and a muted outlook for the next quarter on Monday after the markets closed. Today AAPL is trading at $164 per share, $2 higher than yesterday’s close, but up $18 from yesterday’s intra-session lows.
Much of the speculation surrounding Jobs’ health began in response to his appearance at the WWDC conference last month, where he appeared wan and quite thin. According to an industry executive who spoke with Jobs and was a source for the Times report, Jobs had run a high fever for the week preceding WWDC. Apple had previously said that Jobs had come down with a “common bug” which was treated with antibiotics, and additional speculation and concern were sparked by remarks in the Monday conference call, in which the company said Jobs’ health is “a private matter.”
Recent questions regarding Steve’s health have renewed calls for a succession plan at Apple. While I hardly give two shakes over the “Industry Concerns” cited in the recent New York Post article, I would go a little further and suggest that what Apple needs is not a ‘Succession Plan‘, but a new CEO.
As startling a statement to make as that is, hold the flames for just a few more moments, follow me after the jump to find out why.
Steve Jobs at WWDC 2008. Photo by MacsimumNews
During Apple’s earnings call, a question was asked about Steve Jobs’ health.
Answer: “Jobs has no plans to leave Apple. Steve’s health is a private matter.”
It’s been Apple against the world for so long that we’re kind’a just used it being that way. However, when we compare Apple against her chief rivals, as well as against some entire industries, a different picture emerges.
Looking at our favorite company in this light maybe helps us understand parts of Apple’s strategy that seem confusing if not just downright bizarre. Follow us after the jump and we’ll discuss why, when we talk about Apple vs Microsoft, Dell or the entertainment industry at large, this ain’t a David versus Goliath matchup anymore.
J. Douglas Field, Segway CTO
We’re not sure if Steve Wozniak had a hand in the negotiations, but Apple has lured Doug Field, Segway’s chief technical officer, to join Jonathan Ivie’s design team as Vice President of Product Design, according to a post Friday on the SegwayChat forum.
As blogger Jason D. O’Grady notes, writing for ZD Net the move is curious, given Field’s background as an engineer and Segway’s not-so-glorious reputation for product design. Asked about his reaction to the Segway’s original design, Steve Jobs famously said, “I think it sucks.”
Here’s hoping Field gets a better grade from Jobs at his first Apple executive review.
Everyone is concerned about Steve Jobs’ health, prompting the obvious question about succession plans at Apple. The company seems doomed without him. Who has the vision and drive?
But Apple will be fine without Jobs, although it won’t be the same.
Here’s why, after the jump.
Steve Jobs made an interesting disclosure to the NY Times yesterday while talking about the remarkable Grand Central technology in Mac OS X Snow Leopard that will allow programmers to get more power out of multicore computers and also to use GPUs for additional performance. In the midst of such talk, he announced for the very first time the reason that Apple purchased processor-maker PA Semiconductor in April.
“PA Semi is going to do system-on-chips for iPhones and iPods,” he said.
Many had speculated that future iPhones could run on Intel silicon, or that PA Semi had been purchased just to recruit some of its talented engineers. Steve says otherwise. Apple’s getting into the mobile processor game. Two years from now, all our iPods and iPhones might be running on their hardware. And if PA’s stuff is as good as everyone says, such exclusive hardware could maintain the competitive advantage that software already offers the iPhone.
For those who couldn’t be there in person, Apple has already uploaded this morning’s WWDC Keynote for your viewing pleasure in Quicktime. Check it here.
With a new iPhone all but guaranteed to be announced Monday, there’s never been a better time to perform a quick post-mortem on the existing multi-touch devices from Apple. Though the iPhone has been talked nearly to death, one topic that has gone relatively unexplored over the 18 months since the unveiling of the iPhone is the strategy behind its design. People have talked plenty about its design, of course, from the loved-or-hated chrome bezel to the iconic but somewhat-too slippery back edge to the software and the revolutionary touchscreen interface. That’s all fine, but those are all aesthetic and functional choices. At a more fundamental level, the iPhone constituted a strategic move by Apple into the mobile phone market. And it’s here where the look, feel, and positioning of the iPhone are most fascinating. The iPhone was explicitly designed to rapidly drive the adoption of technologies that most people had never even contemplated before, and it’s been an overwhelming success. To learn why and to hear what this might mean for the second iPhone, click through!
Image via Uberreview
WWDC is nearly upon us. San Francisco’s Moscone West is plastered with Apple logos. Rumors are in the air. Unannounced products are just out of reach. Rather than try to calm the fervor, I’m just going to pour some gas onto the blaze with the help of my friend Zoltar, The Fortune Telling Machine. It’s that time again — Cult of Mac’s Top 5 Unlikely WWDC wishes! Four of them are credible rumors, the other’s a crazy rumor that I started. See if you can tell the difference!
5. New MacBooks
With the rest of Apple’s product line moving to anodized aluminum cases, having MacBooks in retro-iPod white is looking jankier by the day. It’s high time that Apple revamped its low-end laptops to match the hot design of the current generation iMac. And if Apple wanted to throw a real graphics card and a higher-resolution screen into the mix, that would be nice, too.
Likelihood (out of five): Three. The MacBook has gotten a processor boost as recently as February, but this is a sorely needed shot in the arm for the product line, and Apple likely needs a Mac announcement in addition to whatever happens in the iPhone and iPod universe.
The greatest tradition of the run-up to a Steve Jobs keynote is the release of John Siracusa’s keynote bingo card. This year’s iteration is a twist on a classic Wired cover, which also got remixed for Leander’s recent cover story. Please read John’s post to get his thinking behind the card and also download the PDF to print out and follow along at home with.
Filed under: probably wishful thinking
It’s WWDC time, only this year something is different. Where’s the wild speculation? If patent applications are any evidence, there are many cool things brewing in Apple’s lab —but all is quiet. Where’s the hype that precedes any Stevenote? Oh sure people are talking, but only about one thing: iPhone v.2.0.
Personally, I think this whole 3G iPhone business is a red herring. Sure, it’ll be announced, and people will love it. But the leaks abound so much. I find myself hoping that it’s part of a disinformation campaign; to keep us distracted so we don’t guess to closely at what new cool products Apple might unveil, and that there will be a terrific surprise for all of us at WWDC.
It’s been nearly a year and a half since the “Jesus-Phone” was announced at last year’s Macworld and since then it’s been: all iPhone, all the time, everywhere. I don’t want to seem to hate on the device; the defense will even go so far as to stipulate, your honor, that the iPhone might be best thing that’s ever been invented. But c’mon! Eighteen months after Prometheus descended from the heavens, I’m pretty sure folks were like: “Uh… yeah… fire… great…”
There is definitely more to talk about. There have been some great things come out of Cupertino this year, heck, there is a MacBook Pro that you can literally give the finger to, and it will respond accordingly. Yet it’s relegated to a footnote in technological history.
Now virtually everyone, including those villagers recently discovered in the Amazon, who have had no previous contact with the modern world, knows that the new iPhone 3G is coming out at WWDC this year. Yet, Steve rarely (if ever) uses the “Just one more thing…” part of the Stevenote to unveil a simple product update especially one so obvious (I know that a 3G iPhone, with GPS, and built in margarita machine is probably considered by some to be more than an update).
So what do you think? Other than a iPhone update, what else do you think Steve will unveil in his Stevenote? I know what I’m hoping for, but like the time I got up the nerve to ask out Sarah Andrews in 10th grade, I’m also steeled for disappointment.
Cool tech demo for something new called “NeXTStep 3.” Could be big. Just kidding, of course. Always interesting to see Steve before his more recent, peak form. A little less suave than you might be used to. Still, NeXTStep 3 was awesome for its era – just barely shy of the first few releases of OS X.
Except that GUI. YEESH. Who on earth thought that all those floating palettes was a good idea?
Via Macenstein
During Macworld, Steve Jobs told the New York Times that Apple will not make an e-book reader like Amazon’s Kindle because Americans don’t read any longer.He cited a specific number: 40 percent of Americans read a book or less a year, he said.Jobs may have been referring to a November report from the National Endowment of the Arts, To Read or Not To Read, which found that nearly 50 percent of 18-24 year-olds do not read at all for pleasure. Described as the most complete survey of reading trends, the report says Americans aged 15-24 spend two hours a day watching TV, but only 7-10 minutes reading. This includes reading for school or college.”The story the data tell is simple, consistent, and alarming,” wrote Dana Gioia, Chairman of the NEA.The decline of reading has considerable social, economic and civil consequences, says the NEA, and coincides with the rise of TV and the internet.
The Steve Jobs/Bill Gates lovefest that first became apparent at the WSJ’s D conference in the summer continues in the Times today. At the end of an post-keynote interview, Jobs said Gates should get a medal for his work at Microsoft! The Times’ Bits Blog reports:
Jobs saved his greatest compliment today for his former archrival Bill Gates, who has now largely retired will retire from Microsoft this summer.”Bill’s retiring from Microsoft is a big deal,” he said. “It’s a significant event, and I think he should be honored for the contributions he’s made.”
Jobs never praises Microsoft or Gates in public. There must be something afoot: A business deal, perhaps? Or maybe Jobs wants to give the Gates Foundation a few billion, but he feels they should first be billionaire buddies, like Warren Buffet?
Steve Jobs’s Macworld keynote is underway, and the most significant announcement thus far is what he hasn’t announced: Any upgrade to the iPhone. Though offering a new version of Google Maps for the device that provides GPS-like functionality (though nowhere near as accurate; Steve says it works “pretty doggone good.”).
That said, the iPod touch will be brought up to par with the iPhone in terms of available applications. For a $20 download on iTunes, anyone can now load Mail, Maps, Stocks, Notes and Weather on their Touch. I don’t like the tendency as far as the potential prices for third-party apps, but let’s hope for the best.
Liveblogging the 2008 Macworld Steve Jobs Keynote | Gadget Lab from Wired.com
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Tags: stevenotemacworld jobs
The guys and gals of KathArt Interactive, a Danish interactive design firm, have put together a fun Steve Jobs keynote-eve game that puts you in charge of sneaking top-secret Apple product concepts to Macworld SF. It’s a lot like the game Adventure for Atari, only with 3-D graphics and 3G iPhone prototypes. Definitely worth a click, and the Danish-ness of it gets a bonus endorsement from me.
Via Engadget.
Foto: Markus Aarstad/www.ps.no
Heres’ the first picture of Steve Jobs in a suit and tie for at least a decade, maybe longer. Jobs wore the monkey suit to the Nobel Prize ceremony, in support of Al Gore, environmental activist and Apple board member.
Link.
The revamped Spaceship Earth ride at Disney’s Epcot Center has a special “Steve Jobs section,” according to the lifthill blog, which tracks news about rides and roller coasters, and was invited to a special preview.
But once at the Steve Jobs area, which is supposed to depict the birth of Apple computer in a garage, the lifthill blogger noticed that the lone figure in the garage looked a lot more like Wozniak than Jobs.
The figure is facing the wrong way, so it’s hard to tell, but it’s wearing the same shirt as Wozniak in a famous early photograph copied below, and has similar hair and beard. Conspriacy theorists note that Jobs is the single largest shareholder in Disney– but I can’t believe he cares that a section of Epcot bears his name or likeness (or not).
Anyway, there’s no second figure in sight, so one of them is slighted. And so too is the third Apple-founder, Ron Wayne, but no one cares about that.
But what is that thing the dummy Woz/Jobs is sitting in front of? It ain’t no Apple I or II — the first and only machines Woz created more or less single-handed. It looks like a big wooden Mac, but none of the Mac prototypes looked like that — they were much more finished.
Higher-res pictures at lifthill.
Silicon Valley Socialite Om Malik reports that the good people of Yahoo! were recently inspired by none other than Steve Jobs himself:
He told the gathering of 300-odd Yahoo (YHOO) vice presidents that they can do anything. The company with one of the largest Internet user bases can do and achieve anything, he apparently told them. (I am channeling a handful of VPs.) He talked about how Apple (AAPL) was down on its luck and made a comeback. Yahooligans were pretty inspired! Now if they made more of their products Mac friendly!
Malik promises more detail on Steve’s speech soon, but in the meantime, ponder this: Yahoo has 300 VICE-PRESIDENTS! No wonder they need motivation from Steve. Stay tuned — this is a very interesting development. Yahoo and Apple are much friendlier than they were a year ago… Steve doesn’t do motivational speaking for just anyone. It’s always as a personal favor.
Photo from John Griffiths
As expected, Steve Jobs at a press conference in London this morning announced the UK iPhone will launch November 9th, use the O2 network, cost £269 and £35 a month for an unlimited data plan. The phone will be available at the Carphone Warehouse, at about 1,300 outlets.
The iPhone will be more expensive, £269= $537, and there’s no 3G — which is common in Europe. Jobs said it’s to save battery power. 3G chips would reduce battery life to just a couple of hours:
According to the Guardian’s liveblog:
“It’s pretty simple, says Jobs. “The chipsets work well apart from power. They’re real power hogs. Most phones now have battery lives of 2-3 hours and that’s due to these very power-hungry 3G chipsets. Our phone has 8 hours of talktime life. That’s really important when you start to use the internet and want to use the phone to listen to music. We’ve got to see the battery lives for 3G get back up into the 5+ hour range. Hopefully we’ll see that late next year. Rather than cut the battery life, we’ve included Wi-Fi and sandwiched 3G between Edge and a more efficient Wi-Fi.”
No announcement about other European countries, though it’s widely rumored it’ll be Orange in France and T-Mobile in Germany. Said Jobs: “We’ll be in a few countries in Europe in the next quarter.”
Other than Steve Jobs himself, now single figure has defined Apple’s resurgence since 1997 more than Jonathan Ive, the company’s senior vice-president of industrial design.
It’s a constant worry among watchers of Apple (especially those who own stock) that the company won’t be able to sustain its growth if Steve Jobs retires, quits, or gets hit by a bus on his way to work some time.
So my friend Jess McMullin postulates over at bplusd, why not line up the designer-in-chief as Apple’s next CEO? Ive makes beautiful, functional, intuitive objects, and is better than anyone in the business at getting others to do the same.
He’s a designer who taps into the wells of unmet consumer need that fuel Apple’s ongoing growth. With the exception of Steve himself, he’s tuned to the zeitgeist that determines winners more than anyone else at Apple. Moreover, he’s able to articulate that vision with consistent grace and precise execution. He’s got a track record of hitting home runs. If you want to keep the innovation leadership that makes Apple, well, Apple, then you’ve got to have the driver’s seat firmly bolted to the flow of trend, meaning, and consequence. That’s the domain of Design, and Jonathan Ive is your Designer.
Now, I don’t entirely agree with Jess on this one. Jony Ive is a brilliant designer. That doesn’t mean he would be a great CEO — he certainly doesn’t have the sales flair that defines an Apple product introduction. Still, an interesting and provocative reminder of the need to figure out what comes after Steve. What say you, Mac-heads?
