Cult of Mac Presents… “Jonny Ive And The Vinyl Wood Sticker.” A humorous play in one part by Mr. Giles Turnbull.

INT.DAY.

(Jonathan Ive’s secret underground lair. Prototype Apple products litter the desks – an iPhone 5, an iPhone 6, and an iPhone 7. Versions 3, 4 and 5 of the iPad. An iPad mini. An iPhone Pro. A MacPro nano. An AppleTV that’s actually a TV. A bunch of other things that don’t even have names yet. Most of these products are partly disassembled, with wires and circuit boards hanging out at odd angles. Between them are soldering irons, bits of wire, aluminum and duct tape.)

(Standing amid all the chaos, with shirtsleeves rolled up, a pencil behind his ear, and eye protectors pushed up on top of his head, is Jonathan Ive. He’s peering at the screen of a MacBook Air and frowning. He picks up the phone.)

IVE: Get me the Design Abuse Team. Now!

Apple is trying to fast track the training of retail employees in the proper use of iOS 5 and iCloud ahead of their early October debuts, Cult of Mac has learned.

The fallout from Apple’s lengthy battles with Samsung has started. The tech giant has inked a contract with Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) to produce the A6 and successors. The move ends an exclusive deal with the Korean Samsung to produce chips for Apple’s iOS devices, according to a Friday report.

iPhone 4 bumpers. Sure, they look nice, but they don’t really protect your iPhone from damage and after the whole Antennagate, they’re cynically looked upon as bandaids for the antenna attenuation problem. Worse, at $29, they’re overpriced.

Well, say goodbye to bumpers comer the iPhone 5.

Sources have reportedly confirmed that there are indeed two new models of Apple’s iPhone on their way: one of which will be a cheaper version of the iPhone 4, and the other a fancy new iPhone 5. However, thanks to production delays with at least one assembler, the best one may not arrive until 2012.

After nearly doubling its early termination fee, Sprint is making more changes that point towards the iPhone’s unveiling on the carrier’s network.

Mainstream outlets have said that Sprint will being carrying the iPhone after Apple’s Fall announcement, and Sprint is now realigning the qualifying time for smartphone upgrades to early-October. In case you didn’t know, the iPhone 5 is expected to come out in early-October.

Samsung’s bragged for awhile that the Samsung Galaxy II is the thinnest smartphone around, but as the Korean gadget maker so often is, they’re full of it… and now the UK’s Advertising Standards Authority is talking smack, saying that the world’s thinnest smartphone isn’t an Android device… it’s the iPhone 4.

Apple and carrier Sprint have finished preparations for offering the iPad ‘before the holidays,’ according to a report citing unnamed sources. The iPad will follow an Oct. 7 launch of the iPhone 5, according to the Wednesday report.

We knew Apple’s iPad dwarfed RIM’s PlayBook, but now the image seems even more lopsided, thanks to shipping numbers from a group of analysts. The Cupertino, Calif. company shipped 19 iPads each time the BlackBerry maker shipped one of its rival devices. Little wonder RIM, facing financial scrutiny Thursday, is back concentrating on its smartphones.

There have been a lot of dates floated around for when Apple will release iOS 5, but if this report is accurate, the date you should be circling on your calendars is October 10th. Why? Because Apple expects to start getting a lot of tech support issues on that day.