The Internet’s reaction to — and riffing on — today’s Apple event is more entertaining than the presentation was. We aren’t even sure some people even waited for the company to be done breaking all of that news we were already aware of. We know we started doodling at some points. I drew a scary dragon.

Still, it’s fun to see what people can do with even the most sedate of Apple events, and it’s also nice to take a break from pasting our old posts into WordPress minus the phrase “according to rumors.” We aren’t actually doing that; don’t worry. We’re professionals here.

Professionals who can draw some badass dragons.

Evolution, not revolution, was the tone of today’s low-key Apple event. Smaller is better, says Apple, with two big product “reveals” that show off compact new devices with impressive internals.

While most of the announcements today have already been discussed and dissected, like the 4-inch iPhone SE, new Apple Watch bands and a smaller 9.7-inch iPad Pro, there were a couple of surprises.

Here are the biggest takeaways from Apple’s oddly low-key “Let us loop you in” event.

Buying a smaller iPhone doesn’t have to mean settling for disappointing specifications anymore. With its new iPhone SE, Apple is packing its latest features and technologies into a compact shell to provide those who prefer smaller screens with the very best it has to offer.

Tim Cook will take to the stage to host another Apple keynote on Monday, but who cares?

It seems only a small percentage of Apple fans are interested in a 4-inch iPhone, and although the rumored iPad upgrade will be a big one, interest in tablets is falling like Jennifer Lawrence at big events. So that leaves… Apple Watch straps? Please!

Without a major unveiling, is Monday’s keynote really worth getting excited for? Or will it be another disappointment, with interest quickly turning to Eddy Cue’s colorful shirts and Craig Federighi’s impeccable hair instead?

Join us in this week’s Friday Night Fight between Cult of Android and Cult of Mac as we battle it out over those very questions!

The official debut of the iPhone SE is just days away, but it appears that packaging for the new device has already been spotted in the wild, and it confirms some of the device’s new features.

A photo of what appears to be an iPhone SE box was posted on Weibo this morning. If the box is indeed the real deal, Apple’s new 4-inch device will definitely be called the iPhone SE, and it’ll be the first budget-sized iPhone to support Apple Pay.

Here’s a look at the packaging:

Is your iPhone slow? Whether you’ve just updated iOS or you’ve been experiencing performance issues for a while, there are several things you can do to get things humming again. Regardless why your iPhone is slow, here are my top four tips to help you speed it up again.

The FBI will be greeted by protestors when it faces off against Apple at the U.S. District Courthouse in Riverside, CA on March 22nd.

Fight for the Future — the same group that rallied at Apple Stores across the country last month — is organizing another protest against the FBI’s federal court order compelling Apple to weaken security in iOS so the government can hack the San Bernardino terrorist’s iPhone 5c.

The iPhone 7 Plus may boast more storage than any smartphone Apple’s ever created, if the company uses a tiny new chip by SanDisk that packs 256GB of flash storage.

Photos of the new chip destined for smartphones surfaced on an Italian tech blog comparing them to the old 64GB NAND flash chip SanDisk made for Apple in the past.

Check out how little the new chip is next to the old 64GB model:

The invites are out and the rumors are in. Apple’s first event of 2016 is going down March 21, when the company will loop fans in on some shiny new products coming soon to Apple Stores.

Apple is expected to introduce a new 4-inch iPhone aimed at budget customers and people who want to be able to hold their smartphone with one hand, but a new 9.7-inch iPad that’s every bit as impressive as the iPad Pro could steal the show (along with some other new goodies).

Here’s what to expect from Apple’s big event.

Commentary on the encryption battle between Apple and the U.S. government might have received its strangest metaphor yet.

Stewart Baker, who used to serve as a counsel for the National Security Agency, appeared on a panel at the South by Southwest Interactive festival in Austin this week. During the discussion, he said that Apple’s current, outspoken position in favor of privacy is a recent development and compared it to the sort of PR-driven whitewashing that Hollywood studios have used to promote actresses as “innocent” and “pure.”

“Who remembers Tim Cook before he was a virgin?” Baker said, paraphrasing composer Oscar Levant’s barb at ’60s everygirl Doris Day.

It got a little less polite from there.