No matter where you fall on the 4G iPhone story, I think we’re all united in feeling bad for poor old Gray Powell, otherwise known as the most unlucky S.O.B. in the universe. Heartless automaton that I am, even I tear up a little bit when I think of what he must be going through right now. I think all of us — Powell most of all — need a dose of levity right about now.
Courtesy of McSweeney’s, then, comes this wonderful imaginary email from Gray to his colleagues at 1 Infinity Loop on the morning after he lost the iPhone.
If I could give back those last five beers, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t know why I let that girl look at it. That was a total disregard of our phones before hos mantra. Worst mistake of my life. I should have never taken the prototype out of its case, or taken the case from the protective cover, or taken the protective cover out of the lockbox. I should have never taken the lockbox out of the safe and I definitely should never have signed the contract that requires your right testicle if you lose the phone. It was a pretty painful morning, and I’m not referring to a hangover, though that didn’t help.
It’s worth a few chuckles, especially for this line “Mr. Jobs screamed at me so much that his turtleneck was totally drenched with sweat.” Somehow I doubt that’s very far from the truth.
John Brownlee is a writer for Fast Company, and a contributing writer here at CoM. He has also written for Wired, Playboy, Boing Boing, Popular Mechanics, VentureBeat, and Gizmodo. He lives in Boston with his wife and two parakeets. You can follow him here on Twitter.
