Monkey Boots. Because F*** Monkeys. [Review]

Monkeys are cute.

They’re fuzzy, they make little noises, and they act like tiny people if you train them well enough. And they’re mostly cool to hang out with once you factor out bad seeds like that one in Raiders of the Lost Ark that was a Nazi. And the ones who attack humans. And those other ones who attack other monkeys and steal their food for no reason.

Actually, you know what? Monkeys are awful. Here’s Monkey Boots, a fun game about getting one killed repeatedly.

Alright, so you’re actually trying to help the monkey survive an endless elephant stampede. But it’s hard, and his death by trampling is a stark inevitability that you can only delay.

You do this with a simple two-button control scheme. The right side of the screen makes the monkey jump, and the left side slows it down. This gives you fairly complete control over where your primate friend is at any given moment, and you can use that to stay clear of the river of crazed elephants trying to take you out.

The monkey’s death by trampling is a stark inevitability that you can only delay.

If you’re feeling daring, you can even stomp on your pursuers for bonus points. The bigger the pachyderm, the higher the score. But what’ll end up happening more often than not is that you’ll stomp one and then land right in front of the one behind it and then die. But that’s risk/reward for you.

The game provides a lot of quick fun, but yes. The monkey will die. And the game will let you dive right back in and try again, and it’ll take your best run ever and award it two arbitrary stars, and you will get mad. And the best way to vent that frustration is to kill another monkey.

It’s the circle of life. Kinda.

Game Name: : Monkey Boots The Good: Quick and simple, cute graphics, and a lot of challenge. The Bad: No music to go along with those cute sprites. The Verdict: It’s a fun and amusing arcade-y take on the endless runner that will frustrate you in all the good ways. Buy from: App Store – Monkey Boots – Cocky Culture

[rating=game4]