This Is Microsoft’s Best Product Of CES, Hands Down! [Caption Contest]

This Is Microsoft’s Best Product Of CES, Hands Down! [Caption Contest]

This Is Microsoft’s Best Product Of CES, Hands Down! [Caption Contest] LAS VEGAS, CES 2012 – There are some really awesome products on the showroom floor of CES this year, but we think we’ve found the greatest Microsoft product of all time. OF ALL TIME! Microsoft lipbalm. Admit it. You’re jealous that you don’t have your own stick yet aren’t you?

To make up for your absence at CES, we’re going to have a caption contest, and the winner gets a bag of CES swag that we got from the floor today.

To enter the contest, just comment on this article with your caption for the Microsoft Chapstick picture. Funniest caption wins and we’ll announce the winner on Friday, Jan. 13th at 12pm PST. Good luck.

Update: Our apologies for the delay in selecting a winner. With over 240 entrants it was incredibly difficult to proclaim one person the winner, but we’ve selected commenter Fred Maxwell as the winner of the contest. Thanks for participating in the contest everyone.

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  • BrianVoll

    “OEM ‘Micro’-bacon flavored ‘soft’ chapstick for sale, get yer’ OEM ‘Micro’-bacon flavored ‘soft’ chapstick today for $79.99″

    “Free Xmint chapstick included for an additional $6.99 a year”

  • Fred De La Peña

    lipBalmer XP! … Coming soon, Balmer antiperspirant for those “I’ve got nothing important to say so I’ll just dance around and chant for 20 minutes” kinda days!

  • tomuky

    Yea!

  • Anthony Ham

    “Microsoft Chapstick:  Because you’re going to want to kiss us when you see our great, new toys!”

  • Fred Maxwell

    Did you want the Microsoft Lip Balm Home Basic, Microsoft Lib Balm Home Premium, Microsoft Lip Balm Business, Microsoft Lip Balm Enterprise, or Microsoft Lip Balm Ultimate? 

  • Fred Maxwell

    Finally, Microsoft releases a product that can spread viruses to the users.

  • Brendan Digney

    “In a move that today shocked the entire industry, Microsoft finally gave up hope of removing the ‘Blue screen of Death’ and have instead launched a new campaign targeted at removing blue lips and cold sores. Lets just hope that they prove a bit more successful with this than they did windows, or you never know…. We could all end up with ‘Blue lips of Death’ “

  • Brendan Digney

    Considered pioners in preventing computer viruses, microsoft now feel it time to move antivirus to the next level… The user!

  • volodoscope

    Do you also need an Anti-Virus from this?

  • Zachary Bardwell

    Microsoft Chapstick: The only thing that they did not copy from Apple.

  • FriarNurgle

    Each one is personally tested by Steve Ballmer himself.

  • Tim Griskus

    We are giving you this one of a kind Microsoft Lip Balm cause god knows we didn’t release anything else at CES this year that wet your whistle.

  • Fredy Rosal

    MS Lip Balm 2012 … to be released sometime next year … 

  • Jake

    “We’ve got you now, Apple!”

  • Forest Walker

    Blue screens, crashes, and general rage related to use of Windows really chapping your ass? Try new Microsoft brand assbalm!

  • Sam Keyes

    New Microsoft chapstick, now in Apple flavor!

  • Fred Maxwell

    It’s like Apple’s new iBalm, except that it doesn’t work well.

  • Sam Keyes

    New Microsoft Chapstick, now in Apple flavor! 

  • thomas simmonds

    So much better than windows vista!

  • WardC

    Microsoft Lip Balm: Specially formulated for frigidly cold conditions like when Steve Ballmer enters any room!

  • MacHead84

    Microsoft Chapstick so you dont leave your lips as vulnerable as our operating systems!

  • Nicholas Gibson

    They had to make the background black so they would not have to say APPLE flavored.

  • Fred Maxwell

    Microsoft Lip Balm: It works for a while. Then you have to convince some guy at a call center in India that you really didn’t steal it.

  • Alexander Chawen

    Mircosoft’s CEO Balmer, worried about his legacy particularly in the face of rival Apple’s ubiquity, insisted that a memorable product be a part of their final major presence at CES, and thus, borrowing from Balmer’s own namesake, the “mBalm” was born–a product so useful, it would bridge the gap across Android, Apple, and Mircosoft alike.  

  • Stevaroo01

    Microsoft Lip Balm 2012… Use this before kissing us goodbye!

  • Tyson619

    Microsoft Chapstick : We bet you to it Apple and Google HAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!

  • Fred Maxwell

    This one comes free with your computer.  When it stops working, you will have to buy a new version that costs $200 and looks totally different.

  • Fred Maxwell

    This is Lip Balm 7 and it will work much better than Lip Balm Vista.  Trust us…

  • Matthew Bissell

    Microsoft Lip Balm it just works

  • Fred De La Peña

    Microsoft drops the  F-Balm

  • Georgesab

    I’m a person with chapped lips, and Microsoft Lipbalm was my idea.

  • gtibrett

    And you thought we only put lip STICK on our pigs…

  • al friede

    MicroChap® – We really know hot to ‘chap’ your hide!

  • Fred Maxwell

    Microsoft introduces new “Microsoft Lip Balm,” calling it a “revolutionary product” that showcases the “kind of innovative thinking that has kept Microsoft at the forefront of the technological revolution.”

  • Richard Mears

    Pay lip service to great design – with Microsoft Lipbalm!

  • Matthew Bissell

    Microsoft Lip Balm, Its not only apple who can make a whole new product and we can sell this in its millions.. Suck on that apple. 

  • Irving Torres

    “Because Microsoft is user oriented and knows consumers need a little something to do while their PC is frozen” WHAT. UP.  

  • Richard Mears

    MS-Lipbalm: Soothes fanboy’s lip.

  • Steven Watson

    You want me to put that where?

  • Steven Watson

    You want me to put that where?

  • KCassell

    It’s not only good for lips.

  • Clayton Galea

    Due to lots of blue screens and fails in presentations the Microsoft lipbalm turns your : ( to a : )

  • Fred Maxwell

    LAS VEGAS, CES 2012 –  Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer made a surprise appearance introducing Microsoft’s new lip balm.  Ballmer took to the stage, waving a tube of the lip balm and exclaiming “No more chapped lips! No more chapped lips!”  After five minutes of dancing that left Ballmer soaked in sweat and the audience dumbfounded, Ballmer walked off the stage, pumping his fist in the air and yelling “Lip balm! Lip balm! Lip balm!”

  • DrM47145

    Microsoft Lipbalm… wow! They really Think Different!

  • Michael

    Microsoft will never leave you chafed again!

  • Michael Chambers

    Microsoft…perfect for moisturizing tiny lips.

  • jdawgplu

    Because if you suck as much as we do, you’ll need it!

  • JXChain

    Introducing Microsoft Lipbalm, the first lipbalm to feature steve ballmer’s breath flavor.

  • Rachelle Pavao Goldenberg

    Microsoft….now a solution for when their programs “chap your hide”.  (for those not down with the cliche’  chap your hide = make you angry. 

  • Richard Mears

    Microsoft Lipbalm: Reaches for the parts that Apple refreshes.

  • Jesper Andersson

    Microsoft Medical Lipbalm – Turns blue in contact with infections

  • Carl Wooldridge

    Microsoft Introduces Zune Mini to compete against 2009′s iPod Shuffle.

  • Bob Pasko

    Steve Ballmer wants me to meet him where and do what with this lip balm?????????

  • CoreyALynch

    Would You Like To Open This Lip Balm? Yes Or No? > Yes Are You Sure Norton360 Says this is unsafe are you sure that you want to continue? > Yes > System Failure! Please Reboot Your System and wait 5hours for us to detect it and do nothing about it.

  • Jay Jarcik

    THIS IS ALL WE GOT!!!

  • CoreyALynch

    Microsoft- I went into Xerox’s home and it was there thought i would copy it just like all of our products.

  • CoreyALynch

    Here today, ready for tomorrow!

  • dcj001

    Microsoft lip balm.

    It is, without a doubt, our best performing product!

  • Commonman

    New Microsoft 8 suppositories to fight off all kinds of viruses. Available November 2015.

  • Samuel Shallenberger

    Hey, it’s better than Vista, right?

  • VotersRights

    Now in Blue Lips of Death flavor!

  • Luke

    This ain’t chap stick. Grip plastic applicator firmly, bend over, insert.  Basically a summary of all my Microsoft purchases.

  • Aaron Renner

    MicroChap – for when the Winblows!

  • David McLeod

    After years of sucking it, Microsofts lips were a little chapped.

  • BrooklynTrees

    For Apped Lips

  • BrooklynTrees

    Chapping lips and asses for 30 years

  • William J. Prah

    Microsoft Lip Balm: One set of lips per license please!

  • Luke

    If you’re gonna take it in the mouth, it helps to have slippery lips.

  • Sumit Jaisingh

    no blue lips (read screen) of death

  • Nathan Glynn

    Lip Balm by Microsoft. Making lips soft 404ever.

  • Stuart Rector

    Microsoft Lip Balm: The easiest way to contract a virus through your lips.

  • Garrett Polo

    Introducing our revolutionary new stylus for the windows 8 tablets.  Finger smudges are now a thing of the past.

  • Tdowson89

    Works even if your lips are chapped into 32 or 64 bit(s)!

  • iDaBoss

    if you have to explain it…

  • iDaBoss

    too long and didn’t tie in the lip balm

  • HuntBran

    Damn girl! I used this stuff and now my lips are micro SOFT!!

  • iDaBoss

    “Balmer antiperspirant”, good idea

  • hazzer07

    Its micro. It’s soft. It’s Microsoft lip balm.

  • iDaBoss

    accurate but lacking in humorosity

  • iDaBoss

    *vomit*

  • iDaBoss

    you forgot to include a joke

  • iDaBoss

    lol

  • bonro001

    Microsoft, #1 in lip service since 1975

  • iDaBoss

    “looks totally different” ….. wait what?

  • iDaBoss

    face-balm?

  • bonro001

    Your lips, our software

  • iDaBoss

    this not make sense

  • Barry Renyar

    Microsoft Lipbalm – helping nerds kinect

  • iDaBoss

    this is a good idea. you were supposed to write a joke.

  • Jay Jarcik

    “Ballmers Lipbalm”…For all your virus needs!

  • Fred Maxwell

    Yes.  Windows 7 looks totally different than Windows XP, for example.  You were aware that consumers are often struck by changes in the GUI when they upgrade to new versions of Windows, weren’t you?

  • Barry Renyar

    Microsoft Lipbalm – the only product where we excel

  • karmaisabitch2011

    Microsoft Lipbalm – For When We Rub You the Wrong Way.

  • Fred Maxwell

    I’m well known for having a good sense of humor, and the post has 4 likes as I write this, so I am pretty sure that the issue is you, not the post.

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • askmewhyihateyou

    Okay, I give. I don’t get this one.

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • Antonio Ramirez

    Blue Screen of Death? Need to reboot?! Grab a Microbalm :D

  • Bob Wolf

    Microsoft LipBalmer®   Protects, moisturizes and conditions keyboards. Also effective as an antispam (the lunch meat) protectant and works equally well as an anti-virus protectant. Apply liberally to ports and plugs, 3x a day. WARNING: for external use only. Not to be eaten. Stop use if blue screen develops. Keep out of reach of children under 35.

  • erfon elijah

    LIKE!

  • Anthony

    I thought it was a suppository.

  • LukealiciousX

    Microsoft Lipbalm: “A fantastic installment to make your ‘software’ shine!”

  • Jeremy Oestreich

    Caution: may cause BLOD, aka blue lips of death. 

    BLOD will freeze your lips, making them unresponsive to brain commands.  To fix, press finger firmly to the bottom of the Microsoft lip balm tube and hold for 5 seconds.  Re-apply Microsoft lip balm and your lips should return to normal functionality.  

    Also reviewed was a stick of Macintosh Apple flavored lip balm; known side effects are insane fanboism of Apple and an insatiable lust for all new Apple products.

  • Ashleighrhyan

    In true PC fashion, we give you almost what you want. For the most imperceptible softness reach for “micro”soft.

  • LukealiciousX

    And what’s wrong with Windows Vista?

  • Chase Fegan

    Microsoft: Viruses on your computer, now on your face.

  • Chase Fegan

    Microsoft:  We’ve had our way with your ass… now for the other end!

  • RobertSantellan

    Microsoft Lip Balm: Ultimate Edition – For the hyperactive outspoken “Ballm”er in all of us…

  • CoreyALynch

    Yeah I know but it kinda works you read the Steve Jobs biography or heard of the quote?? What Microsoft said sort of a play on words :/

  • Bobby Scruggs

    Microsoft lip balm: You’d probably be better off kissing a hooker because a hooker at least doesn’t have as many viruses

  • Abiu Izquierdo

    Microsoft Lipbalm- After all the years of Ideas for PC and Phones, this is all we got… enjoy!

  • Deejay Pressman

    Microsoft Lip Balm – We’ll stick it to YA…

  • Srose428

    Microsoft Lip Balm, our first product that works no matter how much we suck.

  • GregsTechBlog

    “We’re heard your complaints! You feel like Microsoft has been f***ing you in the ass! Well, now you’ll mind it less, with our new MINI violator!” 

    edit:
    Wait, Microsoft just rebranded a product? What a shocker!

  • Antonio Ramirez

    Don’t waste your time rebooting, grab Microbalm to easy the pain.

  • Yuley95

    Microsoft – we can’t make your mouth water but we can keep your lips hydrated

  • yahoo-AFZ54VZ4KTUMC5JD7OILABF5IE

    Where do you want to rub today?

  • SamuelGDraper

    Microsoft Lip Balm : Keep your lips soft for when your kissing your new macbook.

  • Toby

    Finally, something we haven’t copied from Apple…

  • iDaBoss

    I doubt many people cared about the UI gloss upgrades to a 6 year old operating system. The software and driver issues, sure.

  • Andy Mayce

    Microsoft Chapstick: The only Microsoft product that is simple, compact, and easy to use!

  • Andy Mayce

    Microsoft Chapstick: The only Microsoft product that is simple, compact, and easy to use!

  • DaveInOz

    Keeps your lips soft and moist when sputtering and cursing at Windows isn’t enough! Guaranteed to last a LONG time.

  • iamloganw

    Now introducing the the mStylus, designed to reduce finger smudging!

  • Cincotta_e

    Microsoft Chapstick: Tired of us kissing up to you? Kiss someone else’s ass instead!

  • Barry Renyar

    Are you a fat, lifeless slob, without vision? We can stop those blue screams of death! We can give you lips like Angela Jolie! We have the greatest revolutionary product of CES – the new portable, handheld Windows 8 Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™. Don’t monkey around with inferior products. Melts off the fat but guaranteed not to melt! Don’t believe us? Watch the Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™ being personally beta-tested by Steve Ballmer.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…. But wait – there’s more! If you order your new Windows Phone 7 in the next 3 days, we will include, ABSOLUTELY FREE, a year’s supply of Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™. But wait – there’s more! For every Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™ customer you sign up, we will personally pay you $10.00! 

  • Barry Renyar

    Are you a fat, lifeless slob, without vision? We can stop those blue screams of death! We can give you lips like Angela Jolie! We have the greatest revolutionary product of CES – the new portable, handheld Windows 8 Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™. Don’t monkey around with inferior products. Melts off the fat but guaranteed not to melt! Don’t believe us? Watch the Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™ being personally beta-tested by Steve Ballmer.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…. But wait – there’s more! If you order your new Windows Phone 7 in the next 3 days, we will include, ABSOLUTELY FREE, a year’s supply of Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™. But wait – there’s more! For every Microsoft Lipo-sucks-ion™ customer you sign up, we will personally pay you $10.00! 

  • M1234C

    Microsoft Chapstick. Something to help you pass the time while your windows pc starts up

  • markusgarvey

    so that means the Apple equivalent, would be a Douche…

  • morgan3nelson

    Why Microsoft Lip Balm?  Our lips are chapped because we suck so hard.

  • Alfred Morgan

    Microsoft Lip Balmer: Developers, developers, developers.

  • Josh Wright

    Easy to use MS Lip balm* with 200 page manual.

    *cap & Licence sold separately.

  • Josh Wright

    Apple are onto us, we better start coming up with some innovative new ideas….

  • Roberto Wertman

    It won’t hurt. After years sticking it in you, Microsoft announces Windows on a stick.

  • Juell Jolzywel Taylor

    Microsoft next best thing, with weekly updates and flavor issues..
    and then the iBalm will be created that tracks your lips and rejuvenates them.. it just works!

  • DanielGemmell

    To make us here at Windows better at kissing your ass !!!

  • Ed_Kel

    Are you frustrated at our insanely long boot times?
    Did that Nigerian prince crash your system with yet another virus?
    Are you tired of rebooting after our daily security updates, only to find another Nigerian prince entering your “back door”?
    Do you wish there was something out there that could make your Windows experience, better?

    Here, maybe this will help.
    -Microsoft Lip Balm, “distracting our dwindling fan base, since 2012″

  • stana2z

    Now, true multitasking!
    Doubles as a suppository.

  • VirtualBrown

    Micro-SoftLips

  • ddevito

    +1

  • Lloyd Murray

    ms lip balm, apply when staring at blue screen of death…

  • Chip_Mac

    ‘It looks like you’re trying to apply lip balm. Do you want help with?’

  • Ted Gocal

    Step 1 – Remove the cap.
    Step 2 – Rotate the knob.
    Step 3 – There is no step 3 because it’s full of empty promises.

  • Zee Gee

    – Pucker up!

    or

    –    …because the Windows nerds still hope they will be kissed

  • Raymann Kuan

    “Even if I kiss your ‘assle’, I will need my own branded lip balms!”

  • Nicholas Cooke

    Our only product without the blue screen of death!

  • Vegard Tveito

    the only way for Microsoft to be on everybody’s lips.

  • Nicholas Elia

    The Microsoft tampon for all ages! Absorbs any kind of nonsense!

  • John Lehmkuhl

    After a long day at work kissing ass and chasing tail, this is the only balm that works for me…

  • Mitch McKee

    After years of trying to copy Apple and failing, we at Microsoft decided it might be easier to copy Burt’s Bees.

  • Mitch McKee

    Tired of Microsoft fans claiming that you’re an Apple Fanboy? Now you can show them just how un-biased you are with Microsoft Lip Balm! The one MS product you’ll be glad you had with you.

  • Bjorn Foli Okine

    Apply while booting up

  • Lawrence A. Husick

    Is your ass chapped from your obsolete Zune (you know, the iPod killer?!?)  Then apply liberally where the sun don’t shine.

  • Calactus

    No swag bag for you. Next!

  • Calactus

    Whoa, Mr. Ballmer… is that a lipbalm in your pocket, or….?

  • Honey6

    MicroSoft Lipbalm : Feel the lips like rose petals

    LICENSE AGREEMENT :

    Copyrights reserved. No one should ever use this when you are in front of MAC devices or iOS devices. One Lipbalm per License. By using this Lipbalm , you are agreeing to the terms of this license.you will not have the right to inspect e any ingredients for any reason. Humiliation of rules may be prosecuted.

  • ericschultheiss

    If your fingers are chapped from all the “Control, Alt, Delete” you’re doing, then use this chapstick from Microsoft and save your digits for calling tech support.

  • Parth Gandhi

    Do you need to download a service pack to take the cap off?

  • Srome95

    “Now catching a virus is even easier, choose Microsoft!”

  • Josh Ward

    I said “Simplify my lip balm.” They simplified my lip balm. How you like me now?

  • Michel Vega

    “Our software sucks ass, but now it won’t smell funny”.

  • Phillip

    Microsoft Lip Balm – “When you suck at everything, like we do, you’re gonna need this”

  • Michel Vega

    “I kissed a Bill and I liked it, the taste of her Microsoft chapstick

    I kissed a Bill just to try it, I hope Macintosh don’t mind it
    It felt so wrong…”

  • Clyde Nd Sheng

    “darn its so cold in here, my windows 7 froze…i’d better use my Microsoft chapstick to avoid freezing my a** in here”

  • Tim Osse

    More like Microsoft’s best product of all time. Honestly microsoft you have yet to produce anything that is not total crap, just die already. 

  • lethalillness

    Microsoft Lipbalm – “For when our boring, unimaginative keynotes don’t have you salivating at the mouth!”

  • Arvind Gopwani

    Microsoft Lip Balm – “wirelessly sync your viruses across all personal networks.”

  • M1234C

    Microsoft lip balm. A brand new device with an inbuilt restart button for those daily crashes, that we all love.

  • 5AMTech

    But only Steve Jobs can say “And one last thing…”.

  • 5AMTech

    Because Bill Gates has really chapped lips.

  • 5AMTech

    Because Bill Gates couldn’t stand Burt’s Bees.

  • 5AMTech

    Your emergency virus kit.

  • Christopher Turcotte

    We can’t fix the cracks in our software, but we can on your lips!

  • Christopher Turcotte

    LOL

  • Robert Fursey

    We may be first, but apple’s will be better… that’s the Microsoft guarantee. 

    UP NEXT: New IBalm with 3 exciting new features: Built in wifi, MP3 capabilities, and Siri to help with the weather update. Yours now for only $99.99

  • Fred Maxwell

    Humor’s not your thing.  Give it a rest.

  • Mark Pollard

    When you host a Windows 8 launch party for you and your friends, you want to look your best so use Microsoft Lip Balm.

  • wilburg

    Microsoft “Butt Balm” – Tired of Windows? – Preparation H Simply Doesn’t cut it!

  • Charles DeVore

    Sealing the cracks so the code does not leak out…..

  • Jim Hovercraft

    Did we mention it also comes in brown?

  • Studio246

    …because they were easier to give away than Zunes…

  • Toby

    It’s obvious they came up with this themselves…

  • Redwyvern

    Feeling 2nd best lately? Apply liberally, and pucker up for that serious Butt-Kissing session!
    Also works great on Brown-Nose chafing!

  • Louie Schuth

    It doesn’t matter if you’re lips are micro or not, Microsoft Lip Balm will make your lips SOFT!

  • ednorton545

    Your PC can’t get Herpes, so why should you?

  • BryantWms

    After holding your mouth open and licking your lips at all of the awesome new product,  Microsoft has the best solution…”Microsoft Lipbalm”

  • Scott Adams

    Apply Microsoft Lipbalm frequently to shore up your lips defenses.

  • Barry Rich

    When Your PC Leaves You Feeling Raw And Irritated, Try Microsoft Lipbalm! 

  • Phil

    Microsoft’s aggressive new push to gain back market share in the mobile market:
    Buy Microsoft Lipbalm, get a Windows 7 Phone for free.”

  • Joel Tague

    60% of the time, it works every time, just like our products.

  • Russell Johnson

    Micro Soft-Lips!  We gotta make money some how.

  • Camerongerardy

    anti-update balm:

    insert to the computer and then update

  • Apollo Sulse

    Microsoft Lipbalm: with artificial Apple flavors

  • Vihang Godbole

    The new Microsoft LipBalm. We won’t ever leave a bad taste in your mouth.

  • Don Cossey

    Backward compatible all the way to licking your lips. 

  • dennis dumdumaya

    Microsoft Flavorless Lipbalm: Like our other products, it lacks taste.

  • Nikhil Pradhan

    Microsoft lipbalm for 50 cents. Because you don’t want to pay $10 for a sleeker looking lipbalm.

  • Toby

    Going boldly where microsoft has never gone before; A product people might actually want

  • miguelluigi

    The new Microsoft Lip Balm- also doubles as a stylus for our future Windows 8 Tablets.

  • miguelluigi

    Microsoft Lip Balm- you didn’t think our CEO’s name was BALMer for no reason, did you?

  • MichaelMuc

    Microsoft® LipBalm® 2012

    Yes, we just registered another common word and will sue everyone using it without permission from now on

  • Jacojac

    Our way to say sorry for vista

  • lakeshow44

    The only “balmer” at Microsoft that is not useless

  • Dennis Weis

    Bend over and kiss my @#$ Wait, put on some lip balm first.

  • Anthony Pisapia

    Still chapped about Microsoft Vista?  We’ve got just the thing for that…

  • Sudhendra Sudhi

    Microsoft Balm – Makes your smile error free …..

  • benjaminamyers

    Microsoft Lipbalm! At least you won’t have to reboot this.

  • benjaminamyers

    Microsoft Lipbalm! Because @$$ balm from the constant chapping we cause just didn’t seem appropriate.

  • Benjamin Aaron Myers

    Microsoft Lipbalm! Just something else we stole and put our label on.

  • Scott Paciorek

    Buy the MS Lip Balm for $199. to actually use it requires an upgrade to pro for $499.

  • Nicholas Byble

    Try the all new Microsoft Lip Balm! The only thing cheaper than Microsoft’s market share.

  • Cesar Florez

    Chapstick Lip Balm – $1.59 / Blistex Lip Medex – $1.99 / Burtsbees Beeswax Lip Balm – $2.59 / Microsoft Lip Balm – Priceless

  • Paul Vasquez

    It should have been hand sanitizer. That way you could wash your hands of the whole Microsoft experience.

  • Claude Caron

    Getting ready to kiss Ballmer`s ass!!

  • Claude Caron

    Microsoft LipBalm – Garanteed to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

  • matty

    Microsoft Lip Balm… we maynot be able to protect your precious pictures, music library, or important documents, but at least we can protect your lips**!

    **= Only 23 day trial included, Full version can be purchased for continued protection…. until next year!

  • Odd Knee

    Microsoft Lipbalmer-for those times when you suck too much!

  • Shaun Green

    Lipsmackin’ processorhoggin’ virusfriendin’, systemcrashin’, applecopyin’ pricefixin’ Microsoft

  • Shaun Green

    Lipsmackin’ processorhoggin’ virusfriendin’, systemcrashin’, applecopyin’ pricefixin’ Microsoft

  • Matt Harris

    Microsoft Lipbalm, “Defragments lips in 9 hours”

  • chimpthedestroyer

    also available as a suppository

  • Octvrium

    give it to me, it’s one of the only possible ways that i’m gonna use a PC product over a Mac :P unless you can find a Apple lipbalm :D

  • SolarSaves

    Microsoft LipBalm, for when you want that “blue lips of death” goth look.

  • Eric Matthews

    Lip-Ballmer

  • Jonathan Share

    Sucking. Powered by Microsoft

  • SolarSaves

    It’s a lip balm, it’s an hemorrhoidal balm!
    It’s Microsoft 8, dual boot Ballmer, with a special multi-touch lip GUI, for when you want to sooth your boss’s butt as you kiss it.
    Also available in tablet form, as well as fully functioning PC suppository!

  • Aditya Teja Niduram

     “Microsoft-Metro-MSN-XBox-Live-Zune-Windows-Mango-Bing-Lipbalm” – For those lip biting moments when you see our “Blue screen of Death” 

  • AlterThending

    I’m sorry you’ll have to find an updated driver to use this chapstick. 

  • Sudhendra Sudhi

    Microsoft Lip Balm: Now it is We Who THINK DIFFERENT

  • Gerald Torregosa

    Microsoft Lip Balm. It just works.

  • emisepo

    The microsoft next big thing!! The LipBalmer! 7-mango-vista-xp-else-yada it’s now with 1.99 it’s home edition so in 2 months we will bring the ultimate edition with a 3,99 … The first month..

  • Cesar Florez

    repost: edited:Chapstick Lip Balm – $1.59 / Blistex Lip Medex – $1.99 / Burtsbees Beeswax Lip Balm – $2.59 / Microsoft Lip Balm – WORTHLESS!

  • Jeff Williamson

    Microsoft introduces “a revolution in skin technology” at CES2012.  As customary with any Microsoft product, the reverse side of the label reads: “Note: may cause user’s lips to freeze up, move slowly and/or inexpicably and without warning cause blue lips of death.” 

  • GetMore

    Introducing “Microstick” lip balm by Microsoft. For soothing relief from what ails you, we promise, really. It just works.

  • lakeshow44

    Microsoft is awarded CES 2012 “Lipstick on a Pig” trophy (pictured) after conventioneers realize the shiny, new-look products … Are still made by Microsoft.

  • Patrick Mahoney

    Microsofts answer to Apples iPad: Microsoft Balm Pilot

  • Thomas Smith

    Microsoft Chapstick. Greasing Up the Little Guy.

  • Mark Kyprianou

    Never needs rebooting

  • M1234C

    The greatest invention since the personal computer

  • Sumit Jaisingh

    for everything you do windows comes up with a blue screen stating “starting memory dump bla bla bla”

  • Cedric Hebert

    Microsoft Lip Balm: only way to spread word of mouth!

  • kayleen50

    Put some on your lips before you kiss Apples ass!

  • Nicholas Byble

    So who won?
     

  • ianabush

    Microsoft chap stick! Why? Because we know your lips get chapped from all that whistling at cool Apple stuff.

  • Phil

    So… there was never any CES bag filled with goodies huh? Or, you guys decided to keep it all for your selves -_-

  • Buster

    working on deciding a winner right now

  • Buster

    winner

  • Buster

    please email buster (at) cultofmac (dot) com to claim your prize

  • chrisbgordon

    …Toby in purchasing suddenly realized that the 5000 copies of the Windows 8 demo for CES were probably supposed to be on on a USB stick.

  • Chris

    Cool!!!  Another Microsoft original idea!  You think Microsoft fans will claim that Microsoft pioneered lip balm too?     

  • Logan

    Pucker Up and kiss your money goodbye with: Microsoft Brand Chapstick!

  • 950platinum

    Even fixes cracked windows.

  • James Oliver

    Lubrication for the microshaft

  • VotersRights

    That’s not a caption.

  • David Boyer

    Loose lips sink ships…. Microsoft Lip Glue, now our employees can only write or charade a leak.

  • Clark Wallace

    So the winner is a guy (Fred) that entered almost 12 times? Awesome.

    I should of entered over 9000 times.

  • NearOffice

    Microsoft Lip-Balmer is designed to keep lips sealed.

  • windsors

    Introducing BALLMER™ by Microsoft. The only lip treatment proven to withstand 35 years of sucking.

    (I know, too late; it just now came to me.)

  • Justin Alexander

    Microsoft Lip balm: Made to cool your lips after you spending hours biting them while trying to use Windows.

  • Terry L Smelker

    When you absolutely, positively can’t keep your mouth shut trash-talking Apple’s products- because they’re better than yours.

  • kyle_gibson

    Still more useful than a mac.

  • So sick of it

    The tiny vibrator disguised as lip balm for those nights when your man is Micro and Soft.

  • arCyn1c

    They might crack your password, but they won’t crack your lips.

  • Azlan Ayy

    Are you sure you don’t want the chapstick? It may make bing search ease…ier.

  • Azlan Ayy

    Are you sure you don’t want the chapstick? It may make the BING search ease…ier.

  • herms1951

    You’ve dreamed about it, watched HGTV, and and pick out colors. Now make your bathroom remodel a reality, more info, bathroomremodeling.cöm

  • herms1951

    You’ve dreamed about it, watched HGTV, and and pick out colors. Now make your bathroom remodel a reality, more info, bathroomremodeling.cöm

  • Robin C

    Steve Jobs : Watching all this from iHeaven..

    Laughing softly : asks God 

    “Can you please do some magic and stop MS from inventing so much BS ?” 

    P.S – we will not be reinventing this. :-/ 

  • marcwitteveen

    Copy this Apple!

  • Bruce Miller

    Virus magnet.

  • FriarNurgle

    MS chapstick; each one is personally tested by Steve Ballmer himself. 

  • Bart?omiej ?api?ski

    I got one: “Even this is better than all Apple products” :P

  • Samuel S. Ahn

    Microsoft Booth Raffle - 
    4th prize – Microsoft Zune
    3rd prize – Autographed Copy of Windows Me
    2nd Prize – Autographed Copy of Windows XP
    1st Prize – Microsoft Licensed Lip Balm*
    *The EULA states that you don’t actually own the lip balm, just the permission to use it. If you share the lip balm, you will be hit with a $100,000 fine in violation of DMCA.

  • Anton Moritz

    “The kiss preparing tool for the true Windows user”

  • Singh Amardeep

    It’s time to taste Microsoft Chapstick.

About the author

Buster HeinBuster Hein is Cult of Mac's Social Media Editor. Hailing from Roswell, New Mexico, but now spending his days in Phoenix, Arizona, he wastes most of his time eating burritos and reading Spanish romance novels. Twitter: @bst3r.

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