Disclaimer: Some of you may find this material offensive — you’ve been warned.

Jon Stewart gives us his take on last week’s most talked about tech news: Google’s glasses and Facebook’s purchase of Instagram for 1 billion dollars. It’s classic Daily News humor that includes ball-licking dogs, time-travelling cock-blockers and illicit drug innuendo. If that sounds like your kind of humor, head on past the break to watch the video. Cheers!

Remember Lodsys? Many of you may recall how the patent troll sued App Store developers left and right last year. Apple tried to step in and release its blood-thirsty Cupertino hounds (code for “lawyers”) on Lodsys, claiming that its third-party developers were legally covered from any patent infringement claims.

Apple has finally been granted access to intervene and crush Lodsys once and for all, according to a new report.

Apple has just released an update to Java for OS X that effectively removes any traces of the notorious Flashback trojan from an infected system. The update can be downloaded now in Software Update on all Macs running Snow Leopard through Mountain Lion.

Have you ever wondered what the back of your favorite iPhone app icon looks like? Some icons are so well designed nowadays that they almost have a 3D look. Such is the case with the extremely detailed Instagram icon. Professional photographer and designer Cole Rise thought it would be interesting to envision the rear of the Instagram icon’s camera, so he threw together a beautiful concept.

One of the best things about iOS is the search function. Whether you have too many apps like I do, use it as an app launcher in its own right, or just need to find a specific email or contact, Spotlight is the way to go. However, you might not ever need to search your devices calendar app, or you might not have any podcasts, audiobooks, or voice memos to search, either. If so, today’s tip is for you.

With all the retro photo-filtering apps in the App Store, it might seem redundant to take the time and effort to actually fire up Photoshop Touch and do the dirty work ourselves. But as it is a rainy April afternoon here at Cult of Mac’s Spanish HQ, I figured why not? After all, the whole point of this stuff is to have some fun, right?

So here we have it: How to make Instagrams the hard way.

Do you like Chair Entertainment’s blockbuster iOS game, Infinity Blade II? A beefy new update has just hit the App Store, and it adds new content for ClashMob, the game’s awesome social battle mode. In addition, the new update adds over two dozen new items and fully implements iOS 5.1 support. while Chair promises that an expended single-player campaign is coming soon.

Have you checked your email today? How many times? I bet you’re itching to check it right now, aren’t you?

We spend a lot of time in email when we should probably be doing something more productive. Yet we still check it…all the time. It’s kind of insane, isn’t it?

This is where the latest Cult of Mac Deals offer comes to the rescue…with SaneBox. But this deal ends at the end of the day, so you’d better hurry and git it while you can.

There are no shortage of gadgets out there that allow you connect your guitar to your iPhone, putting the power of The App Store at your guitar’s disposal. But if you’re looking for the best of what’s around (see what I did there?), Sonoma Wire Works’ GuitarJack ($150) has a mixture of beauty and talent you’d do well to consider.

Intel’s upcoming Ivy Bridge update are scheduled to be officially announced and made available on April 23rd, and they will most likely be immediately used to build updated, Air-like MacBook Pros including second-gen Thunderbolt controllers.

But could the next MacBook Pros also have HiDPI, Retina-ready displays? It’s conjecture at this point, but we know Apple has been interested in moving to Retina quality displays in its Mac line for quite some time, and now a recent comment from Intel VP Kirk Skaugen confirms that Ivy Bridge makes it possible for PC makers to make retina display laptops and computers, “if OEMs choose to use it.”

In other words? The next MacBook Pros might not just have slimmer footprints and ditch the optical drives, but pack four times the pixels. Swoon.

[via 9to5Mac]

Yesterday we highlighted the release of TextWrangler 4, the wonderful free text editor from Bare Bones Software. Here’s a closer look at the new stuff you’ll find in this update.

8-bit pixel art is so last year. These days, all the cool kids and hipsters are into 1-bit photos. That’s right, one-bit. Now there’s an app that will render all your photographs as if they were taken on an old Nintendo Game Boy camera.

With its iBooks Author software, Apple has made it incredibly easy for almost anyone to write and publish their own e-book. And it hopes to make it just as easy to create iOS apps. One patent application shows the Cupertino company has been working on a tool that would allow users without any programming knowledge at all to build their own iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch software.

Did you think the $399 iPad 2 was just Apple cleaning out inventory? Think again: the iPad 2,4, as its known inside its own firmware, has a new A5 chip built upon a 32 nanometer process, which means it’s cheaper for Apple to make… and potentially more battery efficient to boot.

In an effort to increase security for your Apple ID, Apple is forcing users to set a number of security questions and answers that will help “verify your identity in the future.” If you forget your password or your account is compromised, you will be asked to answer these questions to prove who you are.

LogMeIn has launched a new cloud-based storage, syncing, and sharing service that hopes to compete with services like Dropbox, Box.net, and the upcoming Google Drive. Called ‘Cubby’, the service offers 5GB of free storage which is protected by LogMeIn’s 128-bit SSL encryption, and it can be accessed from a web browser or using the official Cubby apps for Android and iOS.

Got a little corner of your property that you’d like to keep a closer eye on? Or are you just concerned that the babysitter is not shaking your kids hard enough when they start acting up? Then what you need is the Dropcam HD, a Wi-Fi video camera designed for remote monitoring.

Images and their various types are a funny thing. There are a ton of them out there, including jpg, png, psd, tiff, gif, and the like. They all have their uses and pros and cons. But what happens when you have a bunch of, say, png files and need them all converted to jpg? You COULD open them one by one in Preview and duplicate, then save each one as a jpg, but you don’t have that kind of time. Or patience. Lucky for you, today’s tip should help.

Picle, the photo/audio hybrid app launched a month ago at SxSW (and reviewed by us here), just got updated with some cool new features, the best of which is converting Picles to movies.

Still looking for an alternative to Instagram now that the Evil Empire has bought it up and is surely planning to suck it dry? There are a few options, including sticking with Instagram itself, but one alternative — Via.Me — has just added an Instagram import tool to make the transition as painless as possible.

Intel has reportedly shifted the announcement of its next-generation Ivy Bridge processor from April 29 to April 23 as PC makers gear up to release their second-generation of ultrabooks in May. But you could see it powering Mac OS X before then, with the new chip expected to replace its predecessor, the Sandy Bridge processor, in Apple’s next MacBook Pro and iMac.

Installing Flash Player on a Mac is a surefire way to ensuring all of your processing power and RAM is maxed out on a frequent basis. Whether you’re watching a video on YouTube or playing a simple puzzle game, the second Flash begins to load your system becomes an unstable mess.

Unfortunately, a lot of sites still insist on using Flash content, so you’re forced to install it or put up with a half-baked worldwide web. But it’s good to know Adobe is still hard at work on improving the experience. The company has just released the first Flash Player 11.3 beta for Mac OS X, which features all sorts of enhancements and tweaks.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=XwIeWfvcZ_o

Splashtop, the company behind various remote desktop apps for the iPad, has really outdone itself by porting the entire Windows 8 tablet Metro UI to the iPad. Kinda. While you can swipe away and use all of Windows 8’s gestures and even run your own Apps on there, you’ll need a Windows 8 PC to actually stream the apps to the iPad. In reality, it’s just like a virtual desktop app, only with its own native iPad interface.

If you’re approaching or have arrived at forty, and you had any kind of interest in skateboarding as a youngster, then I have some very exciting news for you, which I shall deliver in four words: Bones Brigade iPhone cases.

Apple has granted Rob Schmitz of Marketplace direct access to the Foxconn supply chain following his debunking of Mike Daisy’s inaccurate claims regarding Chinese working conditions. This makes Schmitz the second reporter to ever take a video crew behind the scenes at Foxconn. ABC News and Bill Weir previously visited China for a Nightline segment.

This 2 in a half minute video briefly takes you though the iPad manufacturing line and Foxconn life in general. Schmitz offers a very different take than that of Mike Daisey, highlighting how much people actually want to work at Foxconn.