‘Twas the Night Before Christmas at Apple Park … [A festive poem]

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Christmas stocking
Festive cheer sold separately.
Photo: Luke Dormeh/Cult of Mac

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Apple Park
All the shutters were drawn and the offices dark.
The lunchroom was empty, the desks were all clean
All were working from home due to COVID-19.

With A Charlie Brown Christmas already streamed
Things weren’t as bad as at times they had seemed.
They sheltered in place and polished their gear
And were left to remember a remarkable year.

January seemed fine, before everything went mad
Marking a decade since the very first iPad.
February was slow, and oh-so-serene
Then March roared in and brought quarantine.

Everyone felt miserable, with a shared sense of gloom
(Unless you were a VC who had invested in Zoom.)
To cheer us all up, Apple decided to show
iPhone SE, Magic Keyboard and the new iPad Pro.

But there was a slight hitch if you felt desirous;
Apple Stores were shut down on account of the virus.
April and May left us all feeling uneasy
But June brought a virtual WWDC.

Without a live crowd, it seemed strange I must say
It looked like a keynote filmed by Michael Bay.
It brought us great news, stopped us dead in our tracks
Not a COVID vaccine, but Apple Silicon Macs.

New services, too, were on Tim Cook’s big wish list
An Apple One bundle and new Apple Fitness.
A bit of a shuffle made some of us bellow
Phil Schiller, it seemed, was a new Apple Fellow.

As fall rolled around, new gear came in stacks
Three keynotes in three months and then AirPods Max.
Forget about partridges living in pear trees
We got software galore and iPhones with 5G.

Well, that’s all for this poem, and unfinished business
‘Cept to wish Cult of Mac readers a very merry Christmas.
What does next year have in store? Afraid we’re at a loss, sir
The politicians don’t know. Maybe go ask Jon Prosser.