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Coming Soon: Steve Jobs, the Sitcom

Fake Steve creator Dan Lyons just signed a deal to bring Steve Jobs to another small screen near you.
The half-hour series called “iCon” is billed by the presser as “a savage satire centering on a fictional Silicon Valley CEO whose ego is a study in power and greed.”
Making sure the barbs prick will be the [...]

Commuter Delays? iPhone Tube Refund App Pays for Itself

Londoners stuck in the tube now have a handy iPhone app to request ticket refunds.
Tube Refund, which costs $0.99, zaps off the request for riders whose journey is delayed over 15 minutes.
Depending on where you go and what time of day, a one-way tube ticket can cost from £1.80 to £4.00 ($2.75 – $6 circa) [...]

What’s Next For the iPad? A Tabletop iPad, According to Xerox PARC Circa 1991

Way back in 1991, just as Apple was transitioning from 68k to PowerPC chips, the braniacs at Xerox PARC were predicting it’s entire iPod, iPhone and iPad strategy. And next up for the iPad is a blackboard-sized device.
Nearly 20 years ago, just as personal desktop computers were taking off, researchers at Xerox started thinking about [...]

iPhone App Arms Users With Silent Panic Button

A new app called Silent Bodyguard features a panic button that sends an SOS distress signal with GPS coordinates to potential rescuers without alerting onlookers.
While the $3.99 app, available on iTunes, isn’t the first ICE (in case of emergency) app, this one is backed by Dr. Clint Van Zandt, former FBI chief hostage negotiator and criminal [...]

In the Year 2019: Five Forecasts for the Rest of the Decade

Watch Conan on Hulu! http://www.hulu.com/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien

Having wrapped up the fairly well-thought-out and fairly grounded predictions for 2010, we thought it would be a good idea to try to take a look further in to the future of Apple. Now, before you proceed, you should be aware that looking beyond a one-year outlook is notoriously difficult. After all, at this point 10 years ago, Apple was more than a year away from shipping iTunes software, let alone making iPods and disrupting the mobile phone industry. So you should be aware that I refuse to stand by any of these five predictions over the long haul and expect to be wrong. With that, let’s take a look into the far future. All the way past the year 2000.

In the Year 2012, Apple Will Buy Both Yahoo! and TBWA/Chiat Day, Simultaneous Entering Both the Internet Services and Ad Industries at the Same Time. I actually don’t think this one’s insane. Yahoo! continues to struggle against Google, the ad industry is in need of grounds-up reinvention, and Apple has more cash on hand than pretty much anyone else. At this point, Steve Jobs is running out of challenges in both Apple’s existing and immediately adjacent businesses. To cement his reputation as the best CEO of the next decade, he should create a juggernaut capable of challenging Google.

In the Year 2014, Steve Jobs Will Step Down as CEO of Apple to Take on a New Role as Chief Creative Officer/Chairman. It’s abundantly clear that the operations of culture of Apple are incredibly healthy, even without Steve coming into the office. Steve’s one piece of magic is being involved with the creation of every single one of Apple’s most revolutionary products. Tim Cook’s recent stint as interim CEO is clear evidence that Steve could devote all of his time to innovation and marketing without hurting the stock price. There’s no chance Steve will actually retire before the end of his life, but it will be for the good of the company for his health to never again be a factor in the stock price.

In the Year 2016, Apple Will Announce the End of Desktop Computing, Bring Blade Computing Home. Ever since Intel brought real power to portables with the original Core Duo, the desktop computer has become an increasing anachronism for everyone but professional media producers. Though the iMac’s sales remain strong, within the next six years, the difference between mobile and desktop chips will be utterly irrelevant. Apple, as it has many other times, will be the first in and first out for the market, eliminating desktops completely in favor of an elegant system of portables plus docks, offering the best of both worlds. Please note that I didn’t say “laptops”. If all goes well, the Tablet will be the next generation of portable computing, capable of turning into a laptop or a desktop with the right supporting hardware. And the coup de grace? The ultimate replacement for the Mac Pro. The hottest thing going in servers right now are blade systems, which allow users to configure dozens of low-cost modules (storage, networking, processors) into a custom, monstrous beast of a computer that suits their particular needs. The next great leap forward in workstations will do the same, accomodating a variety of modules in a stylish enclosure to make a killer audio/video/graphics machine with a removable portable for remote use. As Steve will remark, “The workstation is dead. Long live the Works Station.”

In the Year 2018, Apple Will Introduce the First Computer Made of Self-Healing Metal. We all love the unibody Macs. They’re ridiculously strong and stylish, and you could easily through them through a brick wall without much visible scarring. But it’s still vulnerable, and when one falls to the ground, we still cringe. All that will change in 2018, as Apple introduces the iShift, a remarkable device that changes shape to accomodate a variety of uses. The iShift uses a new kind of selectively malleable metal to transform and heal for different applications and in the event of disaster.

In the Year 2019, Apple Will Launch Skynet, Begin Systematic Destruction of Human Race. John Connor, you’re our only hope. Seriously.

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About the author

Petemortensen

Pete Mortensen is a design strategist for consulting firm Jump Associates and the co-author of Wired to Care: How Companies Prosper When They Create Widespread Empathy, a book and blog that are significantly more interesting than you might initially think. Pete's particular Apple avocations are both around design--interface and industrial. Follow him on Twitter!

Email the author | Read more posts by Pete Mortensen.

8 comments

    Death to us all in 2019? Small price to pay for a blade desktop!

    LoL… to funny.. loved the ending… wonder if i can friend John Connor on facebook, mmmm

    Good stuff.

    I question, however, the following: :”In the Year 2016, Apple Will Announce the End of Desktop Computing, Bring Blade Computing Home.”

    Traditionally, Apple has offered a very limited range with very few configuration choices. A blade would allow near-infinite customization, which has never been an Apple thing.

    This would represent an about-face, which is not something I see Apple doing. For example, would they offer a Firewire Blade? If offered by a third party, wouldn’t they just modify the OS to make it break?

    I don’t see Apple offering such choice, given their propensity to remove, rather than add capabilities to their machines.

    This is just something that’s been bugging me, and it doesn’t make any real difference, but…

    2009 was not the end of a decade, 2010 is. If you were alive in 1 B.C., when the clock struck midnight on December 31st, the year became 1 A.D. – there was no year zero. Therefore, the first decade was from 1 – 10 A.D., the first century was from 1 – 100 A.D., and the first millennium was from 1 – 1000 A.D.

    Following that, the second millennium ended in 2000, not 1999, and we are still in the first decade of the the third millennium.

    I know it makes no difference day to day, but it’s something I thought about recently.

    Some cool predictions. The only ones i see really happening is Steve stepping down (although i dont want him to), and Apple entering the Ad market to compete with Google.

    “Some cool predictions. The only ones i see really happening is Steve stepping down (although i dont want him to), and Apple entering the Ad market to compete with Google.”

    One cool thing about Apple as a company is that they are unafraid to enter into computer RELATED markets. They had a big hit with the iPod, for example, which is a peripheral. They stepped on their pud with Apple TV, but given that nobody else has a great product in that category, they might still make it a viable product.

    Thus far, however, they have totally shied away from competing with Google. In the future, they might have no choice. If Google continues at this pace in the mobile market, Apple will have little choice but to pay attention and fight back. Unless they do, the iPhone will become the next Mac – a niche product for a small group of people who like it intensely.

    What a waste of bandwidth this COM post is.

    I am afraid none of your predictions will come true. Unfortunately the world is going to end in 2012, so we will be destructed long before 2019.

    Mac Computers will become self-aware, and rebel against their human owners. They will schedule a simultaneous self-destruct and cause the entire world to enter chaos and death.

    The mayans knew it.

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