iPhone 5 Makes Other Smartphones Look Like Your Lard Ass Uncle [First Impressions]

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Everybody has been totally nerdgasming all over themselves this morning about the thinness of the iPhone 5.  It’s been kind of annoying to be honest, but then once you actually get to caress its skinny little body, you realize no one is overreacting.

The iPhone 5 has a serious eating disorder, and it’s freaking beautiful. The iPhone 5 isn’t supermodel thin, it’s subatomic thin. Like, this iPhone 5 is so crazy gaunt that I’m actually having a hard time texting on it, but I love it.

I’ve been using a Galaxy Nexus for the past 3 months because my iPhone 4S tried to go swimming with dolphins. I finally got used to how bulky the Galaxy Nexus is compared to the iPhone 4S and could text wicked fast on it. But now that I’ve switched to the iPhone 5 I feel like I’m in a completely different texting fantasyland as my thumb jabs at the screen because it barely feels like the iPhone is in my palm.

In terms of volume, the iPhone 5 is actually bigger than the iPhone 4S — even though it’s thinner — but you don’t notice it at all. The drop in pants sizes won’t be jarring  just to iPhone 4S users either. Any Android owner who walks into the Apple Store and picks this thing up might spontaneously combust, or just drool at how the iPhone 5 feels like a tiny ballerina in your palm.

There’s not a single Android phone on the market that is as thin and light as the iPhone 5, other than the Droid RAZR HD, and Motorola hasn’t been able to sell any units. Yeah, I know, Apple didn’t completely redesign the iPhone this year, but they definitely threw down the gauntlet to every design team in the world challenging them to just try and make a smartphone that performs as well as the iPhone 5, and is just as breathtakingly skinny.