Nothing quite solidifies an Apple product’s significance in pop culture like The Onion’s take. America’s satirical publication of note has already decided to give us a glimpse at the rumored Apple car.
The mysterious automotive project that’s reportedly codenamed “Titan” will have the following features:
– Windshield features four times as many pixels as reality
– Full vertical integration with Apple Gasoline
– Driver prompted to sign into iCloud before each gear shift
– Compatible with most major roads
– Recommends new driving speeds based on user’s past favorites
– Sleek, unobtrusive airbags
– Cup holder
That’s about half of The Onion’s list, the rest of which you can find here.
What’s actually being reported about Apple’s car efforts is that the company has hundreds working on the project, including high-profile execs that have been poached by the likes of Tesla and Mercedes.
For a little retrospective, check out the site’s feature list for the Apple Watch, which includes, “Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device.”
Another Onion video gem, “Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth’s Geography:”
Alex Heath is a journalist who works for Tech Insider. He’s the former co-host of The CultCast. He has been quoted by the likes of the BBC, KRON 4 News, and books like “ICONIC: A Photographic Tribute to Apple Innovation.” He lives in Lexington, Kentucky. If you want to pitch a story, share a tip, or just get in touch, additional contact information is available on his personal site. Follow him on Twitter.
5 responses to “The Onion takes on the Apple car”
I hope it looks more like this instead https://www.mercedes-benz.com/en/mercedes-benz/innovation/research-vehicle-f-015-luxury-in-motion/
That would be Apple Magic mouse.
Love the Onion.
like the Mac 128, “no sharp corners”
While it is not everyone’s favourite design, it does answer two of my biggest gripes of today’s cars:
1. A-pillar blind spots. As vehicles are trying to be safer, the A-pillar is getting thicker. So you’re protected when the car rolls, something that doesn’t happen often, in favour of clearly seeing all traffic (and pedestrians), something that happens all the time.
2. Opening doors in tight parking spots. The swinging door just takes up too much space, and I have a few dents in my car to proof that others also struggle with it. Folding gullwings not only solves this problem, but also allow for much easier access and egress.
Having said all that, it will be expensive. So better make sure you get as many people or stuff in there, to make it practical expensive – hence the new take on the minivan. And of course, it’s easily convertible for business vans, so you get a much bigger market.