Imagine calling into AppleCare, pissed off that your iPad’s display is freezing, again. You’re ready to obliterate the schmucks at the call center with a hadouken ball of fury, but when the line is finally answered, you’re disarmed by the sweet southern charm of Apple’s lovable CEO.
That’s what happened to a couple of customers calling into AppleCare yesterday in Austin, Texas as Tim Cook and Eddy Cue took a tour of the new facilities, fixed up some Mac Pros, and even fielded a few calls themselves.
Tim tweeted a pic of his experience this morning on the frontline of Apple Support but left out the juicy details of the drama behind his chat, so we’re asking our faithful Cult of Mac readers to fill in the blanks with this week’s caption contest.
Add your own caption to Tim’s call center photo by commenting below. To sweeten the pot, we’re giving away a free copy of Bicolor to the top 10 entrants. Winners will be announced Monday at 8AM PT.
The funnier the better. Clean is preferred. Have at it!
Buster Hein is a freelance writer who lives in Phoenix, Arizona. Twitter: @bst3r.
87 responses to “Caption contest: Tim Cook walks into an AppleCare center in Texas…”
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Have you tried shoving it up your…
Have you tried turning it off a- you know, I’m getting sick and tired of saying that. It’s like a bloody catchphrase.
Watch “The IT Crowd” sometime on netflix. You’ll then get the original posters joke. :-)
Hey everyone, Best Buy is giving away free shirts with the purchase of a new iPhone.
“Geez, can you believe these jokers are loading Yosemite on their daily drivers? That’s going to be a fun weekend.”
“I am doubling down on you”
“Be glad you don’t own a android device”
You know, we’ve got some great products in the pipeline, so if this one doesn’t work, the next one definitely will.
“How do y’all feel about using Beats for your headset?”
I’m sorry to hear you spilled coffee on your MacBook Pro. Here’s what you do. Take to the men’s restroom, and while open, push it into the Dyson Air Blade. Now do it again, but this time sing, “You put your keyboard in, you put your keyboard out, you put your…”
Tim: What are you making
Stephen Fry (presumably): We call it “eggie in the basket”. My mum used to make them.
iTunes on your Windows 8 PC isn’t working? That’s a shame; Let me tell you about some _Exciting_ new features coming Yosemite
“No sir, our devices are not a Burning Hellstew of Malware … “
Earpods? We don’t use that crap here…..
Earpods are actually surprisingly good, unlike the original in-ears of them, the first try
Yes, Bill, gates to us are always open
Ah, ah, I almost forgot… I’m also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. We, uhhh, lost some people this week and we sorta need to play catch-up. Mmmmmkay? Thaaaaaanks.
Lumberg: “Yeeeeaaaaah, Peter? Can you send in that TPS report ASAP?”
Peter: “No, sorry, I have a meeting with the Bobs.”
So, you say the start button disappeared when you installed the iOS 8 beta on your iPad?
“You say your new MAC Pro is frozen? You’re not holding it right!”
Please hold for Dr. Dre… JK Y’all!
“Helooooooooooooo! And welcome to the AppleCare, the best 30-minute Apple conversion you’re going to hear, all week long.”
“AppleCare. This is Tim…”
$3 billion for the best on-hold music EVAR! Customer sat, my friends. Customer. Sat.
Tim? Its Eddy. Cleanup in cubicle 4.
You want your call escalated???
– Hi, I have a problem with my iPhone..
– Hello, my name is Tim Cook. How can I help you?
– What?!?!? I cann’t believe that I’m talking to Apple CEO right now!! Please go make an iWatch. I want it sooooo badly.
– So, what was the problem you were talking about?
– Never mind… Go, go, don’t hesitate any more!!
Hi there, Tim Cook here. Glad you called this morning…
I am glad you called instead of going for an inferior device: you made the right choice!
– Hi, I have a problem with my iPhone…
– Hello, my name is Tim Cook. How can I help you?
– What?!?!? Oh my God!! I can’t believe that I’m talking to Apple CEO right now. Please go make an iWatch.
– Okay.. So what is the problem you were talking about?
– Never mind… Go, go, don’t hesitate any more… Bye…
Welcome to Apple Care this is Tim Cook…Oh hi Eric, wow this is awkward, I mean what are the chances? You actually use an iPad? It’s ok, it’s just you me and the million people listening in right now. No I didn’t write hell-storm, technically, I just quoted it. No we’re not going to remove duckduckgo from our search defaults. I’ll tell you what Eric, why don’t you just duckduckgo the duck away and stop stealing our stuff you talentless ignoramus, ahem, I mean “I’m really glad you called our center and I’m just peached to help you with your problem sir.” Yeah, duck you too Eric… *click*
“Have you tried rebuilding the Desktop?”
Where was his ass when I’ve called 5 times about my retina 15″ always having a patchy black screen at wakeup??? Still does it to this day!! No fix!!
Hello this is Sanjay from Customer Support.. How may I help you today?
“I’m sorry, It looks like your Apple Care is expired on that 2013 iPad air…”
“Hi there, thanks for calling AppleCare, my name is Tim Cook how can I help you today?”
Oh that’s an easy fix sir. We’ve moved it. No… no it’s on the bottom now. Yeah. I know… I know… genius right? Why thank you! Yes… innovative indeed. What’s that? Yes you can absolutely upgrade your RAM on your iMac. Oh… 21″ eh? Erm… please hold sir.
“A blue polo shirt and jeans… What about you?”
Jake, from State Farm…
Your problem is _ _ Amazing! It is _ _ Incredible!
“Wow! That Mark Cuban’s good on the phone!”
Tim Cook testing the new Beats headset
“Sir, I assure you that your concern has been escalated as high as it will go!”
No Sir we are not gonna sell any hand crafted, diamond cut, chamfered edge aluminium spoons
Hi, I’m Tim. Welcome.
Now I’d like to hand you over to Craig.
“…Fucckin A!”
Wow, Cool… I thought all you Apple Care guys were H-1B’s from Bangalore.
“You’re holding the iPhone 5s wrong!”
My new “Jobs” ? No! I’m still CEO
Applecare this is Tim!
hi I’m trying to install iOS8 on my iPhone 4 and its not working
Did you update iTunes and Xcode first ?
I have updated Xcode and iTunes
Well maybe you should just wait for the iPhone 6, it was designed for iOS8 from the start.
Why in the world would you want to run windows 8 on a Mac … that’s just wrong. Ok guys, executive decision … no more bootcamp.
“Tell me again why these aren’t Beats headphones we’re wearing?”
Ma’am, believe me, if I cannot get your problem fixed, nobody can.
“Taken 3: We’ve Got You”
And all you wanted was an iPad mini?
Told ya, Mrs Bush will never know we were watching
That’s not all dark mode does
Smart water, a cry for help
“Hi this is Tim Cook. How can I help you?…*laughing* Yes yes it’s really me, how can I help you?….No sir you can’t talk to Jony Ive….No, you can’t talk to Eddie Cue either….”
Yes.. we had the Android logo in our presentation at WWDC.. But Madam this is not Samsung support centre…
“Are you *sure* it’s plugged in?”
Jiggle the cable. Yes ma’am, just take hol’ of that snake and give it a few shakes. Yes, ma’am, tell you what. Pretend it’s a Tar Heel from UNC-Chapel Hill and you went to Duke. I know it’s an expensive school, ma’am. Trust me, I know. But we’re pretendin’ now, aren’t we, ma’am? Just grab it like you would a fistful of Tar Heel shirt and shake the darn dickins out of it. Yes, ma’am. You’re welcome. Thanks for calling AppleCare. You have a nice day now, ya hear?
AppleCare employee: What’s with the water bottle? What about the environment?
Tim Cook: I’ve been reusing this same bottle for 7 years.
“Don’t tell me you’re taking iOS 8 support calls already”
“Okay, so what I need you to do is hold down the sleep/wake button for 10 seconds…”
I have no idea what I’m doing.
“Hi, you’re now talking to Tim Cook.”
“OMG! Hey, I wanna apologise to you for all that happened in the past. Give me another chance, please? No more leather stitching, I promise. Heck, I’ll even do Jony’s dishes.”
“Scott? Is that you?”
“Yeah”
“Just kidding. AppleCare. This is, umm, Cody, how can I help you today?”
“Damn, dude. Anyway, where is the green felt-cloth table in Game Center? Tim promised me it was making a comeback with iOS 8.”
“Time for an energy bar, okay bye.”
(Assuming Tim and the employee are watching porn)
Employee: “Wow, that’s horny!”
Tim: “Yeah! I am ‘thrilled’ to see those little details on our retina display.”
“Why do you have a picture of a gentleman’s tinkle on your screen?”
“That’s not a gentleman’s tinkle, that’s Jony in a rollneck sweater”
– I have a problem..
– Sir we have invented a whole new set of solution that will make our competitors so jealous!!
You called wrong number.. Our products never have problems
Please hold on a minute while I transfer your call to the next guy who actually knows what he is doing.
“If you were drinking Smart Water, you wouldn’t be frickin’ calling here.”
“Tell the guy Apple ‘Beats’ for you”
Tim: Thank you for calling Apple customer support this is Tim how can I help you?
Caller: I recently switched from a Surface tablet to an iPad and have been enjoying it. But I can’t figure out how to turn Siri on.
Tim: Uhhhh, hold on just a moment & I’ll get someone to help you with that!
No. I’m not Bill. He is with a different company. Besides, he’s retired now. (Side note: I wonder if that’s the iWatch he’s wearing.)
“Congratulations your the proud owner of the best technology in the world. Remember your better then your ‘persistent friends with inferior devices’..”
“No Sir, OS X Yosemite is not the same thing as Samsung’s Grand Canyon.”
“No Jonathan Ive is not the brains behind this company ::”
“No, Steve Jobs is not coming back as a hologram”
Can’t these new contraptions use Southern drawl? drmrs 6/7/2014 Rockville, MD
“Error message? Are you sure you have a Mac?”
This Jabra GN2000 Headset has amazing sound quality and cost much less than the 3 Billion dollars we are paying for Beats :)
Contest is over, but the first thing that hits me is, “Oh yeah? How about I drive over there and kick YOUR ass?!?!?”
I know. Woulda been a winner.
She sounds hideous!
I’m sorry sir, the coffee mug holder has been removed from all our products. (Laughing from people around Tim)