Steve Jobs: Apple Tablet “will be the most important thing I’ve ever done.”

John Brownlee ()

Steve Jobs: Apple Tablet “will be the most important thing I’ve ever done.”

The ever vibrating Tablet hype machine has finally attained the emotional timbre of giddy, bladder-evacuating hysteria.

How else to characterize this Techcrunch post, in which Michael Arrington, citing “senior Apple execs and friends,” says that Steve Jobs is saying that the forthcoming Apple Tablet “will be the most important thing I’ve ever done.”

Hearsay? Sure. But Techcrunch’s post has already garnered nearly 200 breathless comments from Giddy Apple fans expecting the Tablet, at the very least, to be a flawless amalgam of iPhone technology with Dr. Durand Durand’s Excessive Machine.

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I think we’re officially at the point in the hype cycle that whatever Apple pulls out on stage on Wednesday is going to be a disappointment. The Apple Tablet’s OLED display could function as a Stargate-like dimensional portal to the lanugo-soft inner crevices of Elysium’s ethereal constabulary of virgin angels, and people would still be disappointed that the P.A. Semi chip inside was only sentient, and not — as anticipated — psychokinetic.

12 comments »

About the author

John BrownleeJohn Brownlee is news editor here at Cult of Mac, and has also written about a lot of things for a lot of different places, including Wired, Playboy, Boing Boing, Popular Mechanics, Gizmodo, Kotaku, Lifehacker, AMC, Geek and the Consumerist. He lives in Cambridge with his charming inamorata and a tiny budgerigar punningly christened after Nabokov's most famous pervert. You can follow him here on Twitter.

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Posted in Apple Tablet, News, Top stories |

  • http://moremadonnalessjesus.org Linda Rosewood

    uh, I’m not sure that sentence with “lanugo-soft inner crevices of Elysium’s ethereal constabulary virgin angels” is safe-for-work.

  • sangony

    If the tablet does half of the things I’ve read over the last few months, I would be happy.

  • Paul

    That picture is cracking me up. Where is it from?

    Perhaps COM could launch a “send in the caption” contest starting with this pic.

  • Dave

    I believe he’s dancing with Elaine Benes.

  • erica

    AHHHH so excited!!! :D

  • chano

    The ever vibrating Tablet hype machine has finally attained the emotional timbre of giddy, bladder-evacuating hysteria.

    i like that. It’s sort of visceral.

    Patience Mr. Brownlee, all will be revealed in about 4 hours +/-.

  • http://richardeverts.com Richard Everts

    I agree with Steve’s ego on this one. I wrote an article about how he and the tablet relate to Disney’s Phineas and Ferb: http://bit.ly/4E9md0

  • Dean

    This post is a fine example of how you can be a Mac Cultist and still make fun of Apple/other Cultists

  • ged

    It will be hard to beat the revolution that lisa brought to personal computing in 1983, but if anyone can pull it off it is Mr. Jobs! Not long till we find out….

  • pezdave

    If you think about it, creating an industry defining tablet is lined with several problems that demand answers:

    - How can a tablet be comfortable on the eyes, like e-ink, while still being full color with a sharp and vibrant display? Technology is week in this area.
    - What role would a tablet play that would be different enough from my iphone and laptop?
    - How will a tablet change the world? This is Steve’s goal for Apple, to change the world.

    No matter how much, I think about these issues – I see no way to solve these problems. Rest assured that Job’s has solved them. Wednesday will be a greater day than anyone expected. Watch out world!

  • Mattzook

    That picture above…. was Steve trying to do the Safety Dance?

  • Martin

    @pazdave:

    Would it be possible to make a screen which can switch between e-ink technology and some other kind of screen technology (OLED for example)? This is not a rhetorical question. I have no idea :)

    However, I think I have an idea about how a tablet could change the world. The thing is, today, many people have computers for when they sit down at their desks and smartphones for when they’re on the move. If you’re on the subway, you wouldn’t want to bring out your lap top (what if you’re standing?). Instead, you take out your phone.

    However, a tablet would be a perfect hybrid between the two. You could throw out your smartphone with its small screen and weak processing capacity. You could also throw out your bulky computer which you only can use when sitting down, in a comfortable place, and plan to do so for quite some time.

    With a tablet, you wouldn’t have to stop editing your film or writing your essay just because you’re going out. You could just bring your tablet under your arm or in your bag and take it out as soon as you’re standing still somewhere or sitting. To switch between a dedicated stationary and a dedicated mobile workspace all the time is frustrating and time consuming. Also, the mobile devices today are either capable but bulky (with a physical keyboard taking up half the space) or small but uncapable (I wouldn’t want to write an essay on my iphone, and I couldn’t edit my movie on it).

    The way I see it, the tablet won’t be that innovative. It’s just a small modification of two existing devices, making two of them unnecessary.