There’s only one important fact to know about Phoenix, Arizona: it’s hot as hell.
I don’t mean that figuratively, either. I mean, if there really is a mystical place with fire, brimstone, and goblin monsters with big horns, then in all likelihood it was modeled after Phoenix. Days that only hit 100°F are cause for celebration, because 115°F is probably coming right around the corner like a stampede of raging, wild bulls hopped up on Adderall.
What makes things even worse about Phoenix is that we don’t have beaches or the ocean. We don’t even have a really good waterpark. But we do have a filthy river just outside the city. So when things get hot, people start doing silly things like grabbing a bunch of inner tubes, beer, a stereo, and snacks and float down the river for hours.
While everyone else on the river is getting drunk or stoned as they throw monster-sized marshmallows at each other, my friends and I take a different tack. We grab our goggles and dive down to the bottom of the river to find all the stuff everyone loses. We find some pretty funny items, like 80s-styled boom boxes, marijuana pipes, bras, Miley Cyrus beach towels, you name it. People suck at holding on to their crap when they’re drunk. It’s a scientific fact.
Although we’ve been deeply skeptical over the speculation surrounding another new 10-inch iPad this year, there is a possibility Apple could be gearing up to make some modifications to its existing device. The Cupertino company has been quick to dismiss the new iPad’s heat issues, but the latest report from DigiTimes claims it is looking to remove one of its two backlight modules in an effort to decrease its operating temperature.
The hysterical crybabies over at Consumer Reports — who, ever since the iPhone 4 came out, never have been able to let a new iOS product pass without Chicken Littling it — have just released a report “supplementing” their earlier one, saying that while the new iPad gets “harmlessly hot” in testings (more on this below), well, so do other tablets… like the Galaxy Tab 10.1 (which reached the same 121 degree temperature in their tests) as well as the Asus Transformer Prime (which was close, at 117 degrees).
If you’re interested, you can go read their report here. Here’s something to note, though: although in an email to Cult of Mac tipping us about their additional tests, Consumer Reports writer James McQueen said that the most they found was that the iPad could get alternatingly “harmlessly hot” or “harmlessly warm” (a direct quote), this phrase (or even just the word “harmless”) never appears in their public report, nor did it appear in their last report. Hard to get people all fired up — wokka — about harmless heat, isn’t it?
In most regards, Consumer Reports do great work, but when it comes to Apple’s mobile devices, they’ve historically tended to act like bozos. Quickly jumping upon the Antennagate bandwagon when the iPhone 4 came out, Consumer Reports refused to recommend Apple’s latest handset for over a year. When the iPhone 4S came out, Consumer Reports grudgingly said it was worth buying, but not as good as Android phones. Are you for real?
Anyway, yesterday, in response to reports that the new iPad ran hotter than its predecessor, Consumer Reports eagerly promised to investigate, sniffing another scandal. They’ve now published some preliminary results, though, and surprise! They’re surprisingly sensible.
Yesterday we reported that a number of new iPad adopters are taking to Apple’s Support Communities forum to voice their concerns about its operating temperature. Many feel the new slate gets a little too warm during prolonged use, and they’re concerned it’s a serious issue.
Thermal imaging has now confirmed that the third-generation iPad does indeed get around 10° Fahrenheit warmer than the iPad 2, but it’s really nothing to worry about.