Ah, thank Apple for iCloud, Find My iPhone, and open water swimming. Wait, scratch that last bit.

Redditor and triathlon competitor pnine yesterday was out for a training swim in the ocean. He left his pants on the shore when diving into the water in his wetsuit, his keys in his shoes, his wallet and iPhone in his pants.

A bit of the way out, he had a premonition that some of his stuff had been taken. Upon returning to shore, he found out that his hunch was right. His keys, shoes, and towel were still there, but no pants. Which, of course, meant no wallet and no iPhone.

Instead of panicking like many of us would, he remembered he had his laptop and a handy mobile Wi-Fi hotspot in his car. No word on whether the laptop was a Mac or not, but that’s how we’re envisioning it.

Can there be any clearer way to say “Don’t breed with me” to a lady than to wear these dorky keyboard jeans? Named Beauty and the Geek, the QWERTY-toting pants come from Dutch design duo Erik de Nijs and Tim Smit, who look like pretty normal guys. The pants, however, seem designed less for wearing and more for tech bloggers to write jokes about.