humor - page 5

Ah, wonderful. Imagine the comic opportunities that lie ahead now that Dilbert characters carry talking smartphones.

Somehow, you can tell this is probably just part of Dogbert’s masterplan for the company anyway.

Think you’re sick of Siri videos? Think again: here’s Siri rapping the Notorious B.I.G.’s song “Hypnotize” with an amazing amount of flow, thanks to a clever video made by Robert Boehnke for London’s Music Hack Day.

Now when can we get this feature natively, Apple? And better question yet: can Google’s Majel be programmed to rap some Tupac for a genuine East Coast vs. West Coast rapper showdown?

[via Gizmodo]

We all know how the mano a mano duel between an iPad and a blender turns out, but what happens when you open up an iPad 2 and then plop it down in some molten lava? That’s just what accessory maker ZooGue wanted to find out, so they jumped on a plane to Hawaii and then threw their iPad 2 into a volcano.

The result? Pretty much as you expect: the iPad 2 complains about the heat for awhile, then bursts into flame and melts into metallic goo. It’s strangely cathartic, but that’s doubtless because it’s not my iPad 2.

[via NeoWin]

On Friday, Google opened a new Android store with Androidland in Melbourne, a place to hawk Android tablets and phones made by various manufacturers. So how’s it stand up against the Apple Store? Let’s see! (click to enlarge)

Apple Store (left) — Brightly lit, thronged with customers, tastefully designed with the finest materials and well-staffed with bright, enthusiastic employees at the top of their field who are constantly moving to help people with questions.

Androidland (right) — Dark and dimly lit, with a design more evocative of an early 90s Chuck E. Cheese arcade pit than a high-end retail store. Staffed by two disengaged lunkheads, who expertly manage not only to ignore the only customer on the floor, but to be at least fifty feet away from him.

Amazing.

Don’t miss Apple Store vs. Microsoft Store. It’s just as funny.

It’s not just Robin Williams making fun of Siri on national TV these days. Wry faux-conservative Stephen Colbert picked up his iPhone 4S the other day to address the recent controversy over Siri’s inability to find a single abortion clinic in New York, which Colbert describes as such an impossibility (“There’s one at the top of the Empire State Building”) that he summarily declares Siri to be a pro-life, racist arch-conservative, “like Laura Ingraham, except less robotic.” But who can blame her? As Colbert points out, it’s “only a matter of time before she loses her job to the Mexican yoPhoñe.”

Very funny. If you like Colbert, check it out.

Robin Williams popped up on the Ellen DeGeneres show the other day to talk about “the new future” that Siri offers, and as he is wont to do, he used it as an opportunity to break out an outrageous impression of Siri as a stereotypical, cheese-sniffing Frenchman, dripping with contempt for the American bourgeoise.

[via Techcrunch]

Yesterday we heard word that Microsoft is planning to bring the Microsoft Office suite to iPad, but how will Microsoft adopt Office’s clean ribbon interface to a tablet? Here’s your exclusive first look, thanks to Gadget Lab’s brilliant blighter, Charlie Sorrel.

We’ve seen a number of parodies that poke fun at Apple’s new intelligent assistant, but this one has to be my favorite. It’s a skit from CollegeHumor that mocks Apple’s latest Siri adverts by placing the feature in between husband and wife while they fight, and it’s hilarious.

According to the iPhone 4S Siri Operating Manual, “Siri is a learning computer that adapts to your environment and personality, answering your requests as it identifies your wants and needs.”

But what happens when Siri makes an evolutionary leap in intelligence while you and your drunken buddies are goofing off with her? As this hysterical video from LaughPong makes clear, it can lead to a moment of extreme awkwardness.

Seriously, if there’s one Siri humor video you watch, watch this one. I think it’s the funniest Siri gag yet.

(Thanks, Brittany!)

30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy (with some help from Law and Order: SVU‘s Richard Belzer and Ice-T) makes a compelling case for why whatever Steve Jobs’s “I finally cracked it!” moment was when it comes to solving the so-called television problem, it probably wasn’t a Siri-controlled iTV.

[via iClarified]

In Apple’s own soothing Siri commercial, dozens of beautiful people living in utopian cityscapes and country vistas effortlessly interact with their iPhone 4Ses as if they were confabbing with the most soliciting of manservants.

In real life, though, things aren’t quite so pretty, as TBS’s Conan O’Brien is quick to point out in this hysterical parody video in which Apple’s original ad is intercut with two disheveled grossies asking Siri to direct them towards the fastest way to Diarrheatown, or compute the circumference of their manhoods.

It is, I’m sorry to say, a perhaps accurate depiction of at least my iPhone 4S post-launch Saturday night.

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It’s incredible what Apple can manage to keep secret about its most anticipated devices, right up until zero hour. For example, even after months of consolidating rumors, this is the first time that we’ve heard that not only will the next iPhone have artificial intelligence thanks to Assistant, but can be hurled in a boomerang attack, expand into a working lightsaber, perform nanosurgery and even double as a tasty chocolate bar.

Incredible reporting by Jimmy Kimmel’s technology correspondent, Guillermo Diaz. Now that’s a scoop.

Moving swiftly to take advantage of a rapidly changing debacle – err, situation – Scoopertino reports today that HP has just launched a new CEO Swapper app for the iPad. Using proprietary CEO Seeker™ technology, the app allows desperate HR Departments and Boards of Directors to search for possible CEOs by category and compare results right at your fingertips.

Cult of Mac Presents… “Jonny Ive And The Vinyl Wood Sticker.” A humorous play in one part by Mr. Giles Turnbull.

INT.DAY.

(Jonathan Ive’s secret underground lair. Prototype Apple products litter the desks – an iPhone 5, an iPhone 6, and an iPhone 7. Versions 3, 4 and 5 of the iPad. An iPad mini. An iPhone Pro. A MacPro nano. An AppleTV that’s actually a TV. A bunch of other things that don’t even have names yet. Most of these products are partly disassembled, with wires and circuit boards hanging out at odd angles. Between them are soldering irons, bits of wire, aluminum and duct tape.)

(Standing amid all the chaos, with shirtsleeves rolled up, a pencil behind his ear, and eye protectors pushed up on top of his head, is Jonathan Ive. He’s peering at the screen of a MacBook Air and frowning. He picks up the phone.)

IVE: Get me the Design Abuse Team. Now!

Sphero was unveiled months ago at CES, and remote-controlled spherical object fans everywhere have been eagerly awaiting its official release ever since. Today, the company announced that final production models have just arrived.

Wait, is this a joke?

The people responsible say no, but still: I have my doubts.

Before he stepped down from the position of CEO last week, we can only imagine how busy Steve Jobs was while in charge of the greatest company in the world. But now he’s not so busy, what will he do with all this free time?

Call Tim Cook a lot, it seems.

The pranksters at Scoopertino are at it again, with breaking news this week of Apple’s newest dream product, iToke. Getting stoned has never been simpler.

Sporting such features as a USB-powered heating element for instant-on performance, an Apple-sanctioned walled ghanja garden, and iWeed available in 10-packs or by weekly subscription, iToke promises a higher high and munchier munchies.

The Geniuses at your local Apple Store are trained to be some of the most confident and unflappable retail employees in the biz, but how far can you push it? Can you order a pizza in an Apple Store? Can you take your wife on a date to one? Can you get your iPhone repaired dressed as Darth Vader? Can you bring your pet goat into the store?

I’m not sure whether this guy over on the Apple Support forums is genuine, or whether he’s set up this thread purely for fun, but either way it’s hilarious. Having recently purchased an iPad 2, ‘Michael K. W’ is seriously considering returning his device to the Apple store because he cannot get his CDs inside.

Apple’s new OS X Lion operating system has been available for just under two days now, and continues to bathe in a multitude of positive reviews. However, not all of its one million new users are enjoying their new purchase, and have discovered a number of new gestures that the majority of us may never stumble upon.

Here are a few Lion gestures that Apple doesn’t tell you about…

David Schwen’s motto is “make something cool every day”. In some cases what’s past is present, as shown in this clever series of composite photographs of the classic Macintosh generic file icon out on the town in a variety of locations. Seen here emulating a parking ticket (but without the bright orange paper).

If anyone was going to ascend naked directly into heaven as beings made entirely out of light, it’s the guys who work for Apple, and while it may not have happened on May 21st as it was supposed to, at least one Apple Store prepared for the Rapture.

It’s been a good week for Apple-Star Wars Geekdom. News today of a Death Star desktop screenshot, circa Mac System 6 era. TK-421 is not at his post (again), Darth is urgently looking for two lost droids, and spam exists on Vadernet even Far, Far Away.

Kudos to designer Matt Chase for this awesome vintage mockup of a black & white Safari, Mail and the right-click menu option to Move to Trash Compactor. Complete image (1920×1200) available here.

I suspect Darth has a Steve Jobs in Carbonite case on his iPhone, too. Or would that be Han Solo?

[via TUAW & Neatorama]