HappySacs keep your boys out of some sticky situations


HappySacs: They go on your man-bag.
Photo: Evan Killham/Cult of Mac

Best List: HappySacs

Let me just make this clear up front: HappySacs are little, elastic-banded bags that you put over your testicles. This is probably when you start wondering why a person would do such a thing, and nobody will blame you for thinking so.

But HappySacs have a noble mission in mind, and it extends even beyond comfort. These weird little pouches want to save your balls in both the short and long term. And they do so way less awkwardly than you might think.

The day that my job duties included measuring my scrotum made for a very strange time at work. But HappySacs had me curious, and just about any guy will tell you (provided he’s not shy) that any product that says it can make his berries less of a hassle is worth a shot. And the risk is pretty low; you can pick up an original HappySac for $6, and the newer ColdSac — which uses evaporation to keep your beans both dry and cool — is only $9.

Of course, the moment you open up your Sacs, you may have some second thoughts, especially once you see this warning: “Improper use of the HappySac can cause castration and/or infertility. On the flip side, if used properly it may also cause an increase in fertility, which could be a good or bad thing depending on your situation.”

“Yes, please,” I thought. “Let me just go ahead and put this thing on my nuts.”

Eventually, however, I forged ahead because contrary to the fact that I am currently exhausting every euphemism for “testes” in my arsenal, I am supposed to be a professional. And they actually work exactly as advertised.

After a few minutes of wondering if I’d put the HappySac on right and hoping it wouldn’t come off and emerge from the bottom of my pants leg at the most socially inopportune moment possible, I couldn’t actually tell I was wearing it. And that’s basically the top thing you can hope for from a little shower-cap for your change purse. Better yet, I noticed that it was doing its job; I spent all day sitting at a computer, did some exercise, took a nap, and never had to adjust anything. I suffered no leg-sticking, no awkward itching, and absolutely none of a condition that I refer to as “Swamp Crotch” because I am perpetually 10 years old.

But HappySacs have another, more subtle mission, and it has to do with those checks that men should do every once in a while. It turns out that the act of slipping on a HappySac actually reminds you to do a quick once-over for irregularities, and that’s pretty convenient because I don’t do that nearly as often as doctors say I should.

So there you go: HappySacs work, and they could literally save your ‘nads. And they’re not even that embarrassing after you get used to them.

Price: $6 (HappySac); $9 (ColdSac)

Buy from: HappySacs

Cult of Mac’s Best List is a roundup of products that make us tingle in our special areas. Read more Best List mini reviews. The writer purchased his own HappySacs for this article.