The Great Martian War Has A Thousand Ways To Kill You [Review]


The Great Martian War

The History Channel has gotten a little weird over the past few years.

The Great Martian War by Secret Location
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch
Price: Free

It used to be all about World War II and the Industrial Revolution, but ever since around 2008 or so, something has been creeping in. Something decidedly un-historic. Now, we flip over to History to learn about UFOs, prophecies, and pseudoscience. So it makes sense that the channel would release a fake documentary about a War of the Worlds-style conflict that took place instead of World War I.

The Great Martian War is an endless runner that shares its name with that program, and it places you in the middle of the conflict as a scout trying to deliver intel to Paris on foot. You’ll run, jump, and slide to avoid obstacles and massive alien walkers.

And you’ll die. You’ll die a lot.

If you ignore the sensationalist non-science that led to this project, you can probably enjoy this game. It has good graphics and controls (the genre-standard left/right tapping and up/down swiping), and it’s actually pretty exciting to run across No Man’s Land while the percussion of exploding bombs and the sinister whirring of Martian Death Machines surrounds you.

It’s fun to just miss a tree or a bomb and keep going. And it’s satisfying to break past the line that the game puts up to represent your farthest run. It’s nice to gain levels, upgrade your abilities, and unlock powerups that will allow you to run farther.

All of this is fine, but the title is not without its issues.

You’ll die. You’ll die a lot.

Three runs in a row, the same bomb killed me. Everything happens the same way every time you play, so a lot of your success at this game depends on rote memorization and trial and error. But that bomb got me every time because the game offers no warning about where they’re going to land.

I’m aware that war also offers little indication of where bombs are going to land, but when a channel called “History” makes up an entire conflict to replace a more interesting one that actually happened, I don’t think it’s asking too much to request a heads-up, however unrealistic.

The Great Martian WarGame Name: : The Great Martian War
The Good: Looks great, controls well, interesting concept.
The Bad: Rote memorization, failure through no fault of your own.
The Verdict: It’s an interesting and exciting game if you can ignore the ridiculous marketing and programming choices that created it.
Buy from: App Store – The Great Martian War – The Secret Location