Adam Rosen - page 12

Oddly, a BBSpot satire from last September skewering Apple almost perfectly predicted the iPod Shuffle.

Apple: Next-Generation iPods Will Have No User Interface, Controls

Cupertino, CA – Close on the heels of a recent redesign to its popular iPod line of digital music players, Apple CEO Steve Jobs confirmed today that the next-generation devices will have no interface, ports or controls of any kind.

“With each successive refresh to iPod, we’ve made the design simpler and cleaner,” said Jobs at a rare sneak-peek press conference Thursday. “It’s time to take it to the next level.”

He then drew back a velvet curtain to reveal reference designs for the new devices. Onlookers gasped, then stood and applauded vigorously.

“Brilliant!” said one.

“Genius!” said another.

“Editors’ Choice 2006! Why even test it?” shrieked one reporter as spittle flew from his mouth.

When asked how users will load, navigate or listen to music on the device, Jobs replied, “Uh, wait and see,” his eyes darting nervously about him. He then mumbled something about MacWorld before melting into the crowd.

In the wake of the event, Apple-related chat rooms were filled with speculation on the means by which the device works. Many think the new iPods will come pre-loaded with music you will like, recognize what you want to hear, when and at what volume, and play it via some sort of wireless neural link, possibly using Bluetooth-enabled nanomachines. One blogger believed the device is nothing more than a hard drive in a sleek plastic case and has no practical function, but was quick to add he would buy one regardless.”

Director Kevin Smith objects to his portrayal as a moody loner in this Wired News story about celebrity behavior at Apple’s Los Angeles stores.

The story says: “Director Kevin Smith is also a regular, but tends to head for the Genius Bar because his wife’s PowerBook is on the blink. ‘He rarely has anything to say, but always looks pissed off when he is forced to wait at the bar just like everyone else,’ said the associate.”

Smith responds:

“I rarely have anything to say… unless I’m spoken to. I mean, isn’t that the way of the world? And whenever an associate has said something to me in that store, I’ve always then chatted them up… The way I was raised, I’m a pretty polite motherfucker – which is why this shit bugs me so much. I mean, if you’re not a fan of my flicks, just say it; don’t make up lies about me, and paint a portrait of some curmudgeon.

… If I looked pissed, it’s only because I don’t burst into a room, a’la Robin fucking Williams, trying to make everybody laugh. What the fuck is this shit? Now, if you’re not wearing a grin all the time, you’re pissed?”