Oasis Star Declares: “iPhones Are For $%@!s”

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(Photo by Chrissy Polcino, used with thanks under Creative Commons license.)

So here’s former Oasis megastar Noel Gallagher, quoted in The Mirror this weekend:

I just want a basic 1994 Nokia mobile. I can keep it in my back pocket and just do the basics with it – phone and text. What would I need a camera on it for? iPhones are for Cockneys and ****s. And they are far too big.

It’s not clear to us exactly which insult The Mirror decided to blank out with asterisks, but feel free to use your imagination on that.

Found: Malcolm Tucker’s Lost iPhone

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British iPhone owners who enjoy foul-mouthed comedy will be delighted to learn that there’s a new, official Malcolm Tucker iPhone app to download for a mere four fine English pounds.

Tucker is the brutal, thuggish political spin doctor character in UK comedy show The Thick Of It. His adventures in swearing are legendary.

“Foul-mouthed” hardly does him justice, to be honest. If there’s a %^&@ way he can think of to @*(! your day and shove your @*($@$@% through your @£[/*$ until you’re bleeding £!*++ out of your !&@*, Tucker will say so.

And now he’s on your iPhone – or you’re on his, so to speak. The Missing Phone app pretends to be Tucker’s phone, and you’ve just found it. I’ll leave you to guess which four-letter passcode might unlock it, and discover the top-secret emails and text messages stored within.