This week on the Cultiest of Casts: Steve Ballmer lands the perfect job; NFC and your iPhone make credit cards obsolete; iPhone 6 gets even faster data access; new photos give us our best look yet at a 4.7-inch iPhone 6; Apple wins their first Emmy; APPL stock hits an all-time high; and, behold, Podcasting turns 10! Oh, and it’s growing like crazy, too.

Snicker your way through each week’s best Apple stories! Stream or download new and past episodes of The CultCast now on your Mac or iDevice by subscribing on iTunes, or hit play below and let the chuckles begin.

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Steve Jobs and Steve Ballmer were competitors during their time as CEOs of Apple and Microsoft respectively, and now it seems that the Jobs vs. Ballmer competition continues in an altogether different arena.

The competition in question concerns a quest to buy the L.A. Clippers from embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Ballmer has reportedly placed a $2 billion for the basketball team: an offer which would triple the record for an NBA franchise.

One of the roadblocks in his acquisition plan? None other than Steve Jobs’ widow, Laurene Powell Jobs. Jobs is partnering with several other tech and entertainment magnates, including Oracle software co-founder Larry Ellison, and new Apple employee (and reported special adviser to Tim Cook) Jimmy Iovine.

Steve Ballmer. A total doofus, right? The man who said the iPhone was destined to be a failure, who thought the iPad was a dud, who stood in the way of Office being released for the iPad long after it was clear that Windows 8 was a total bust.

Okay, sure, Microsoft’s sweatiest ex-CEO was a bit of an idiot. But to be fair to the man, he did make his amends before he was forced out by incumbent CEO Satya Nadella. In fact, Ballmer’s last oleaginous act as CEO appears to have been greenlighting the release of Office for iPad.

With rumors of a new Apple-made “fitness app” coming to iOS 8, secret meetings with the FDA, and murmurs of more sleep and fitness experts joining the Apple ranks, the iWatch rumors are heating up on this week’s CultCast! Plus, a classic Nintendo game makes its way to iOS; Microsoft says goodbye to the one and only Steve Ballmer; and new job openings in Cupertino could mean big upgrades in battery life for future MacBooks…

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Softly giggle your way through each week’s best Apple stories! Stream or download new and past episodes of The CultCast now on your Mac or iDevice by subscribing on iTunes, or hit play below and let the audio adventure begin.

Part of Steve Jobs’ genius was his ability to find just the right words to explain why whatever Apple product he was unveiling was so “insanely great” you had to rush out and buy it at that very moment.

Outgoing Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer never had that gift, but his final interview before stepping down contains a few really telling quotes about why things turned out the way they did — with Apple being the innovative market leader, and Microsoft being… well, Microsoft.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has confirmed that Microsoft Office will come to the iPad just as soon as it’s ready for devices with a touchscreen. Speaking at the Gartner Symposium/ITxpo in Florida today, Ballmer said, “iPad will be picked up when there’s a touch first user interface.”

That user interface is “in progress” Ballmer added, but it’s likely to come to the Windows version of Office first.

Microsoft has today announced that chief executive officer Steve Ballmer will retire “within the next 12 months.” Ballmer will continue to carry out his role while the company seeks a successor, aiding its transformation into a devices and services company — but he will depart once a suitable replacement is found.

It’s no secret that Microsoft’s would-be iPad-killer has been a complete disappointment, but now Steve Ballmer, the company’s ever-optimistic CEO, is admitting to employees that the Surface is a flop.

Ballmer held a “rally the troops” event on the Microsoft campus yesterday to go over the company’s quarterly earnings and boost morale, but according to people at the event, Ballmer dove into how disappointing it has been trying to make Surface a success.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is the anti-Steve-Jobs: a sweaty, tongue-lashing ogre of a corporate figurehead who exudes a sort of Ben-Grimm-like lovability through his orange, scaled outer shell. He often says foolish things, and that’s okay, because we love him anyway.

This morning, Ballmer’s talking to Bloomberg Businessweek about the just-released Office 2013 (not to be confused with Office 365, Microsoft’s online productivity suite). In the interview, he talks a little bit about Office for iPad, and then bizarrely decides to slag off Dropbox for a spell.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was at the Churchill Club in Santa Clara this week to be interviewed by LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman. One of the most interesting subjects he talked about was Microsoft’s Windows Phone platform, and how it compares to its two main rivals, Apple’s iOS, and Google’s Android.

As you might expect, he didn’t have many good things to say about his competitors. In fact, he called Android “wild” and “uncontrolled,” before saying the iPhone is too expensive and too controlled. Windows Phone, he feels, sits in a sweet spot between the two.