Forget breaking the Internet, Kim Kardashian broke the App Store

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Kim Kardashian wants to takeover your keyboard.
The end is nigh.
Photo: Kimoji

Looking forward to Christmas? So am I — unless humanity ignominiously implodes en route to December 25.

What would lead me to raise that possibility? Oh, just the fact that not only did Kim Kardashian’s newly-launched emoji app immediately shoot to the top of the App Store charts, but its popularity even caused sweeping technical difficulties across Apple’s giant app repository.

We brought this on ourselves, didn’t we?

God help us, Kim Kardashian now has her own emoji

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Kim Kardashian wants to takeover your keyboard.
Kim Kardashian wants to takeover your keyboard.
Photo: Kimoji

Ever been in texting conversation and found yourself completely unable to express yourself because there’s just not an emoji of Kim Kardashian’s breasts?

It’s unfortunate that society has come to this point, but if you answered ‘yes’ to the question above, there’s finally an app for that. Kim Kardashian now has an official emoji app — called Kimoji (get it?) — that brings more than 250 emoji and sticker designs to help you convey the deepest thoughts of your soul.

iOS 9.2 autocorrects ‘lardass’ to ‘Kardashian’

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Photo: TMZ

Someone at Apple appears to be playing a joke on the Kardashians. Either that, or the neural net powering iOS 9’s typo suggestions has unlocked a new synonym.

All iPhones and iPads running iOS 9.2 now autocorrects the word ‘lardass’ to ‘Kardashian.’ News of the comic correction first started making waves yesterday when DJ Phoenix tweeted about the little ‘glitch’ that appears to make fun of Kardashian’s famously ample sized derrière.

I didn’t believe it at first, so I decided to check it out for myself and here’s what autocorrect suggested:

Kanye West gives Kim Kardashian the gift of Steve Jobs at surprise party

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Michael Fassbender received a Golden Globe nomination for his portrayal of Jobs.
I'mma let you finish, but Steve Jobs was the greatest movie of all time!
Photo: François Duhamel/©2015 Universal Studios

Whether he’s giving Tim Cook unrequested business advice, inviting Steve Wozniak to see his newborn daughter, or talking about his admiration for Jony Ives (sic), Kanye West has proven himself to be a pretty unabashed Apple fan.

Which is why it’s probably no surprise that, when he took in on himself to organize a surprise party for wife Kim Kardashian’s 35th birthday, a special screening of Aaron Sorkin’s new Steve Jobs movie was top of the list.

13 hot new Super Bowl commercials getting their game on right now

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Danny Trejo stars with recreated Brady bunch actors and sets in this hilarious ad for Snickers. Photo: Mars, Inc.
Danny Trejo stars with Brady Bunch actors and sets in this hilarious ad for Snickers. Photo: Mars

It used to be that you had to wait until Sunday to see the hot, out-of-this-world-expensive Super Bowl ads during the big game.

In our modern, always-connected age of sneak-peek overindulgence, you can actually skip the game itself and watch the ads on your own time, via YouTube and your sweet iPad or iPhone.

Here are 13 of the most hotly anticipated short films that you can preview right now, and spend your commercial time during the game making snacks and taking bathroom breaks.

Pictures from 2014 that got us talking

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Police officers confronted a man protesting the shooting of a black teenager, Michael Brown, in Ferguson, Mo. (Whitney Curtis/for The New York Times)
Police officers confronted a man protesting the shooting of black teenager Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Photo: Whitney Curtis/The New York Times

Photography’s impact on society doesn’t come down to single, striking images like it once did. Instead, the power today comes from conversations: What we talked about in 2014 often began with pictures and videos that were seen and shared over and over again.

It did not matter whether the images came from skilled photojournalists or witnesses with cellphones. Consider that Instagram alone churns out 70 million images a day. From that sea of imagery, a collective and comprehensive body of work emerged. We subconsciously curated those images based on our own experiences and attitudes — and maybe even grew a little in the process.

I’mma let you finish, but Kanye West’s daughter is the biggest Apple fan of all time

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Kanye West
Kanye West in all his Apple-loving glory. Photo: Rodrigo Ferrari/Flickr CC
Photo: Rodrigo Ferrari/Flickr (CC)

If both of your parents are unabashed Apple fans, there’s every chance that you’ll grow up as a Cupertino addict as well.

That appears to be the case for 16-month-old North West, a.k.a. the daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. With North’s dad having previously proclaimed himself the next Steve Jobs, and her mother likely to rake in an ungodly $200 million from her very own iOS app by the end of 2014, it’s no surprise that North seems to have a budding interest in all things Apple, as well.

What kind of interest? In an interview with PEOPLE.com, Kim Kardashian described her less-than-two-year-old daughter’s extreme iPod love, with her playlist apparently including a soothing mixture of lullabies and, well, Kanye West tracks.

Environmental Protection Agency accidentally tweets about Kim Kardashian game, hilarity ensues

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Screen Shot 2014-07-22 at 8.15.57 AM

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is pretty much everything wrong with mobile development, in a nutshell. A freemium game that invites users to waste ungodly amounts of money on stupid in-app purchases, the game is on track to make $200 million this year alone.

But it does have its fans. For example. the United States Environmental Protection Agency’s Office Of Water, which sent out a tweet Monday night telling everyone that it had reached the status of “C-List Celebrity” in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.

Enemies no more: Apple and IBM unite to make iOS the king of enterprise, this week on The CultCast

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cultcast-iPad-Mini-Beard-promo

This time on the CultCast: rumored new Apple tech could give weeklong battery life to future iPhones; why your grandma will love the new iTunes; after a 30-year feud, Apple and IBM kiss and make up; Kim Kardashian’s iOS app makes way more than it should; Beats brings the marketing magic back to Apple; and we pitch our favorite apps and tech then vote on which one’s best—it’s an all new Faves N Raves!

Hem and haw your way through each week’s best Apple stories! Stream or download new and past episodes of The CultCast now on your Mac or iDevice by subscribing on iTunes, or hit play below and let the chuckles begin.

Our thanks to TextExpander for supporting this episode! TextExpander for Mac saves you time and effort by expanding short abbreviations into frequently-used text, pictures, code blocks, and more, and it’s an application we use every single day. Try it out for free at Smilesoftware.com/cultcast.


Kim Kardashian’s stupid iOS game could make $200 million this year

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kimye

iOS users have proven they have an uncanny ability to waste obscene amount of coin on silly in-app purchases, and the latest tech-titan to cash in on all that spending is none other than reality star Kim Kardashian.

Kim launched her first iOS game at the end of June to surprisingly great reviews, but the bigger surprise is the mountain of cash Kardashian and developers Glu Mobile are about to make off of all the fans flocking to download a piece of Kim’s Hollywood life.