FreeDum Throws An Innocent Ladybug Into Some Aww-ful Traps [Review]

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Free Dum

Cute animals are always in trouble.

FreeDum by Pedro
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99

They’re always lost or in danger, or they want to eat a crap-ton of candy but can’t without your help. They’re a burden on everyone they meet, and if it weren’t for us, they would all die cold and alone in the woods from an attack by a larger animal or scurvy or something.

But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t help them. Like the star of FreeDum, who has fallen into the clutches of a pint-sized Jigsaw Killer of animals. I think he’s worthy of aid, and you can do so in this fun little maze game.

Shatter Alley Hates Bricks And You Equally [Review]

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Shatter Alley

Video games have always had some weird vendetta against bricks. That paddle in Breakout, Mario, Simon Belmont in Castlevania … they all busted up blocks like they caught them stealing their lunches.

Shatter Alley by Dojotron
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $2.99

To be fair, Simon Belmont often found entire hams and stuff hidden in the walls of Dracula’s castle, so maybe some food thievery had happened. I don’t know; you tell me how those hams got there.

Regardless, Shatter Alley wants to bring the blockpocalypse back, and it does so in frantic, retro fashion.

Everything About Taijitu Is Relaxing — Even The Difficulty [Review]

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Taijitu

Taijitu is a game about balance and serenity. It will level you out, calm you down, and relax you … up, I guess.

Taijitu by Particlemade
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $1.99

I’m not sure which direction relaxation goes.

Anyway, the game. It’s laid-back, and you’ll like it. It has all the colors, and the music just made me nod off for like 20 minutes. But that’s good, really. Kinda the point.

Robots Love Ice Cream Weaponizes Frozen Dairy To Save … Frozen Dairy. Wait.[Review]

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Robots Love Ice Cream

The robots are coming, you guys. And they want all of our ice cream. What are we going to do?

Robots Love Ice Cream by Dragon Army
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99

We could call in the military, or we could devise some kind of electromagnetic pulse. Or, what the heck, let’s just stand out in the street and throw bricks at them. None of these ideas will work. But here’s a fun new game that knows the correct answer.

Robots Love Ice Cream knows that all free people must be prepared to sacrifice everything to protect that freedom, and the same should be true of tasty desserts. So obviously the best course of action is to convert an ice-cream truck into a rolling tank that fires single-scoop cones with enough velocity to penetrate an invading robot’s cold, unfeeling metal hull.

I mean, duh.

Millie Is A Puzzle Game As Adorable As It Is Improbable [Review]

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Millie

I find the premise of Millie highly dubious.

Millie by Forever Entertainment
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99

It’s a puzzle game that uses the same basic concept as the classic Snake: You’re trying to lead a cute little millipede through a series of mazes, collecting pellets and shoes and navigating in such a way that she does not collide with herself. And the point of all of this is to get her to aviation school so that she can become a pilot.

That’s seriously what this game is about. It’s fun enough, but what?

Can You Collect 15 Coins? No, Probably Not [Review]

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15 Coins

15 Coins is hard. Alright, that was the shortest review I’ve ever written. I’ll be back Monday.

15 Coins by Engaging Games
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99 (promotional price; reg. $1.99)

Apparently, my editor refuses to pay me for three sentences, so I guess I’ll elaborate.

15 Coins is an arcade avoidance game where you’re trying to collect the eponymous pick-ups before you run into a past version of yourself and explode. Probably because of a paradox or whatever happened to Ron Silver at the end of Timecop. Actually, I think the game calls your pursuers “drones,” but they look like you and follow the same path you did, so I’m just going to go ahead and call time travel on this one. The point is that it’s difficult.

Skyline Skaters Has A Great Game Underneath All Those Windows [Review]

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Skyline Skaters

Alright, so we’ve endlessly run, flown, swam, and jetpacked. Why not add skateboarding to that list?

Skyline Skaters by Tactile Entertainment
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: Free

Skyline Skaters is a new free-to-play endless skateboarder that transports you to a world with one of the most ridiculously strict police forces ever. I always thought it was weird in Jet Set Radio Future when the official response to graffiti was for a bunch of officers to run down perpetrators and hold them down so that their boss could come up and shoot them with his giant hand cannon.

These police are a little less hands-on, opting to chase down renegade skateboarders with a helicopter and catch them with a comically large claw. As for the game itself, it’s a fun time once you suspend that disbelief.

Exodite Flies In The Face Of Time-Honored Shoot-Em-Up Conventions [Review]

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Exodite

Side-scrolling shoot-em-ups are typically exercises in excess. You have no shortage of enemies, power-ups, or ridiculously large bosses, and most importantly, you have all the bullets you’ll ever need. Just hit the button anytime, and bullets come out. That’s how it works.

Exodite by Afrodude Works
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99 (promotional price)

“Oh, really?” says Exodite. “How about if it didn’t?” And that’s when things get a little weird.

By limiting your ammo, Exodite brazenly defies decades of tradition. And it’s kind of brilliant for that.

Lightlands Cleverly Injects Efficiency Into Physics-Puzzling [Review]

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Lightlands

Any old physics puzzler can ask you to fling a ball into a goal with a bunch of springs or conveyer belts whatever. And most of them don’t care how you get the ball there, as long as it does.

Lightlands by Torsten Winkler
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $0.99

But Lightlands thinks you can do better than that, and it encourages you to get the ball to its home along the most efficient route possible.

You can still go the “no pictures on scorecards” route and just get the thing to the other thing, but where’s the challenge in that?

Shin Megami Tensei Is As Bewildering On The iPhone As Ever [Review]

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Shin Megami Tensei 1

I should warn you now, the iOS version of Shin Megami Tensei is perhaps the most bewildering game you’ll play on your phone. The game world is unforgivingly nondescript, and you navigate it in first person. It’s very easy to get lost indoors and bypass important people and doors until you get the hang of navigating. I recommend you pause briefly before entering any room to see if a nameplate appears — otherwise you’ll be running in circles. Also, Atlus’ strange control panel shell for SMT is a little unwieldy. I played in landscape mode in order to take screenshots, but I highly recommend playing in portrait mode as the interface buttons are smaller, easier to reach, and not covering the game screen.

Shin Megami Tensei by Atlus
Category: iOS Games
Works With: iPhone, iPad
Price: $7.99

You start off in the midst of a terrifying dream where spirits are being tormented by demons. You rescue your future teammates by saying their names, which breaks the demons’ hold. And suddenly, you wake up. A ghastly murder in a parking lot has set your bustling city on edge and a weird man named Steven is constantly sending you information about a demon summoning program. Yet your mother still wants you to go out and get coffee.