Oregon Man Arrested After Going “Dirty Harry” on iPhone Thieves

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Pop quiz. You’re at your local AT&T store when two unarmed men rush in and steal multiple iPhones without harming anyone. What do you do?

a) Calmly wait for the police to arrive and take your report.

b) Rush out of the store on foot, pull out your hand cannon, brace your legs and fire round after round at the fleeing get-away vehicle as onlookers and passers-by scream in terror and dive for cover, all the while laughing maniacally after every squeezed off shot.

Most of us would pick the former, but Roger Witter of Gresham, Oregon chose the latter and ended up in jail for it, prompting the local police to issue this statement in the understatement of the year:

“It is important to remember that no matter how frustrated one may be with crime and the criminal justice system, it is not permissible to use deadly force in this type of situation.”

The two iPhone thieves remain at large… probably because Witter’s Dirty Harry jackassery distracted police long enough for them to make their clean escape. What a doofus.