‘Apple Watch Song’ turns angst into an earful of laughs (and a wrist full of cancer)

By

Angsty Apple geeks everywhere can sing along to the
Angsty Apple geeks everywhere can sing along to the "Apple Watch Song."
Photo: Matthew Patrick Davis

A manic new music video called “Apple Watch Song” turns all the anticipation and angst surrounding the hit wearable into a geeky anthem for Apple fans awaiting delivery of their precious wrist gadgets.

From the Apple Watch Edition’s exorbitant price tag to the fabricated health scare of “cancer wrist,” the wacky song turns the dreams and doubts about Apple’s smartwatch into a cavalcade of comedic riffs.

Starting with the very first moments of Matthew Patrick Davis‘ video, which you can see below, the songwriter channels “Weird Al” Yankovic, They Might Be Giants and Stephen Sondheim to lovingly lampoon the latest fetish item of the Apple faithful.

Like Jim Carrey on a nerdy bender, Davis croons and capers his way through a series of scenes that capture the urgent expectations of Apple Watch early adopters.

While the 36-year-old Davis says he came to the Apple party late, starting with a 4th-generation-or-so iPod, he’s totally hooked on Cupertino’s products now.

“I mark every Apple keynote on my calendar, looking forward to it like it’s Christmas.”

“I didn’t get my first MacBook until 2008, and didn’t get my first iPhone until the 4s,” he told Cult of Mac, “but once I fell, I fell hard. Now I mark every Apple keynote on my calendar, looking forward to it like it’s Christmas. I probably check ‘Apple News’ on Flipboard more than I check the actual world news. I’ve clearly got my priorities in check.”

Writing a song about the Apple Watch — which sold out instantly and left thousands of people desperately checking their ship dates — came naturally for the Los Angeles comedian/actor, who writes and performs with improv and sketch comedy group Upright Citizens Brigade.

He’s written loads of songs and brought them to life via video. In his ever-growing video series, he tackles geeky subjects like thumbnails of boobs on YouTube and Facebook birthdays.

He’s always busy mining modern culture for musical comedic bits.

“Aside from just writing about what I find funny, it could be a social cause so depressing that I can only cope by musicalizing it (‘Guns!‘ and ‘Across the World‘),” he said, explaining where he gets his inspiration. “Or writing a one-man musical called Matt Davis Gets a Girlfriend that encouraged me to write more songs about relationships (‘She Doesn’t Like Radiohead‘ and ‘When Do I Poop‘). Or my friend @calehartmann tweeting, ‘Scorsese says he says it seh-zee,’ and immediately reaching out saying, ‘We have to write a song together based on that tweet!’ (“Scorsese Says He Says Scorsese“).”

An invite-only weekly songwriting group led by Bob Schneider also leads to a ton of songs, according to Davis.

“We get a prompt at the beginning of the week and have to turn in a song by the end of the week,” he said. “One week the prompt was ‘Believing is the First Step,’ which became the opening lyric to ‘The Secret: The Musical (Positivity!!!).'”

‘Apple Watch Song’ is an all-Apple production

It took him a couple of weeks to write and revise the “Apple Watch Song,” he said, which is totally understandable considering how many outlandish ideas collide in the song’s short three-and-a-half minutes.

It’s like “Paradise by the Dashboard Light,” only with the Apple Watch being the source of the angst rather than a torrid teen romance.

Davis recorded the piano on the upright in his apartment and the vocals in his closet using Logic Pro X. Then he added the beats and virtual instruments on his Retina MacBook Pro.

Making the video, which he and his brother edited in Final Cut Pro X, took longer.

“It was a two-day shoot,” he said, “and then about six weeks in post, because I had to wait for my generous and talented brother Brad Davis to do the insanely amazing animation and green screen stuff in his spare time that he offered at the very reasonable Brother Rate (free).”

So, is Davis waiting with bated breath for an Apple Watch to arrive, like so many others?

Actually, no.

“I want it, and I’m excited about it, but because it’s so expensive (yes, even the Sport model), I’ll probably get one in a couple generations,” he said. “I’m not generally an early adopter; I like to wait until more bugs are squashed, more features have been added, and the prices are lower.”

Eventually he probably will strap on a space gray Sport model, possibly with an upgraded leather band or a Milanese Loop — or even the Link bracelet “if it didn’t cost so damn much,” he said.

Until then, he’s content to wait happily for Apple Watch 2.0 — currently with no sign of the dreaded “cancer wrist” he references in the video.

“Thanks to my phone in my pocket and my laptop on my lap,” he said, “only cancer crotch so far!”

In honor of the upcoming Jurassic World film, the Upright Citizens Brigade is remounting Davis’ show Jurassic Park: The Musical!, paired with a chiptune video game opera parodying The King of Kong, next Tuesday in Los Angeles.

Waiting for the Apple Watch to arrive can be trying.
Waiting for the Apple Watch to arrive can be trying.
Photo: Matthew Patrick Davis