Christmas is a filthy time of year. First, it’s in the middle of the winter, when coughs, sneezes and dirty old diseases are most common. And second, extra germs, bacteria and viruses hitch a ride on us meatbag humans as we jet around the globe to see our families, swirling the air into a slurry of septicity.
It’s no wonder Santa spends the rest of the year in bed.
What you need to counteract this insurgence of influenza is the PhoneSoap charger, a kind of Howard Hughes-style tissue box for your iPhone, only with a UV lamp inside.
The PhoneSoap works with any phone, not just the iPhone. This is great news because it’s a fact that Android owners almost never wash themselves. The box uses your own Lightning cable to provide the hookup, and you just plug it in and let your iPhone bathe in cleansing UV rays as it charges on your nightstand. There are even acoustic ports in the box to let you hear notifications or bedtime stories.
According to Wikipedia, the 100% repository source of all human knowledge, “UV is mutagenic to bacteria, viruses and other micro-organisms.” That’s good news for your mucous membranes, and bad news for the filthy microscopic creatures that infest the world around us.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go take a shower. A very hot shower. Where did I leave my sandpaper…?