Google: If You’re Not Using Our Mobile Map App, You’re Probably Lost (And Lonely)

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Google's Daniel Graf accepting the 2012 Crunchies award.

Google won the award for Best Mobile Application at the sixth edition of the TechCrunch Crunchies Awards, beating out Grindr, Instagram, and Square.

“I see a few empty seats, so it looks like those guys haven’t downloaded the app and got lost somewhere,” said the Daniel Graf, Google’s director of mobile maps, accepting the statue of a gorilla smashing a TV set.

Linking all the nominees in the category together, Graf underlined how the Google Mobile app – also named the best iOS app of 2012 by Cult of Mac readers – keeps you a little less lonely. (Not like Apple maps, we suppose, which promises in vain to lead you to dark places like this.)

“Everything is data driven..You start with Grindr to make an appointment, use Google Maps to go there, capture moment with Instagram, then you have to pay (for drinks!) with Square and write it all down in Evernote for that next movie script.”

The soiree, held at Davies Symphony hall, was billed as the Oscars of the tech world but could have been easily mistaken for a seventh grade talent show, minus that smell of chalk dust and sweat.

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John Oliver, the most professional thing about the Crunchies.

The emcee blundered the name of musical guest GZA. The slides of the nominees were out of order or just wrong. (For the Google award, they mention two names under a river of music, then only Graf jumped up on stage to grab it.)

No matter. There was Mark Zuckerberg, who won for “Ceo of the Year,”  and Marissa Meyer nominated in the same category who definitely beat him out dress-wise in a blue sequined number. San Francisco’s Mayor summarized his state of the city in a nerd-digestible infographic.

John Oliver, an impeccable presenter who kept the event afloat, nailed it when he said, “This night is about what nerds do best. Judge each other.”