Today’s Stupidest “Exclusive Report” Says Apple’s Siri-Controlled iTV Will Arrive By April [Uh, No.]

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The hope of a new Apple product on the horizon tends to make tech blogs a little fanciful, sometimes even delusional, so it’s hard to fault Techno Buffalo too much for their “exclusive” report that an Apple-made OLED HDTV with Siri functionalities — the much talked about iTV — is coming out “this April, or possibly May at the latest.” Hey, we all get carried away from time to time.

That said, TechnoBuffalo’s report isn’t too be trusted. In fact, it’s total bullshit. Here’s why.

According to TechnoBuffalo, their “high-ranking source within a major electronics retailer” claims they have seen “gorgeous, very thin” pre-production versions of the much fabled Apple iTV. It’ll support Siri, as well as “facial recognition software” that will allow the device to automatically detect and turn itself off when someone leaves the room.

They say it will be an OLED display with panel sizes up to 42-inches, and launch in April, or maybe May, they aren’t entirely sure. Whatever.

In addition:

Our source said Apple is exploring the notion of using the set to control other connected devices in the home; think along the lines of ovens that pre-heat while you’re watching TV before dinner, and garage doors that can be closed by voice command while you sit on the couch.

So this is all well and good, and sounds like quite a device. But unfortunately, TechnoBuffalo’s report is laughable nonsense.

Why? First of all, an Apple iTV shipping in April or May is impossible for a couple of reasons. For one, it’s too close to the iPad 3’s late March / early April release date: Apple’s not going to subvert the launch of one new product by launching a more expensive one at the exact same time. That’s why Apple ships the iPad six months away from the iPhone now.

How do we know the iPad 3 will ship in late March? Easy. We have reputable reports that it has entered production as of early January. It takes time to build enough units to launch in March… which raises another reason why TechnoBuffalo’s report is suspect, to say the least. If the Apple iTV was shipping in April, it’d be entering production right now, but there are no reports suggesting that’s the case.

Finally, TechnoBuffalo’s source is supposedly “highly-placed” in a major electronics retailer. That’s all you need to read to know that their source is talking out of his ass. Apple isn’t going to be carting around their iTV prototype to Best Buy to work out a distribution deal. They are going to keep it secret until the last minute and then sell it directly through their network of Apple retail outlets first, then gradually expand to other big boxes over time. In other words, they will sell it the exact same way they sell every other product they have made in the last ten years. But major electronics retailers are absolutely not going to get a heads-up about the iTV before Tim Cook himself announces it.

So nice try, TechnoBuffalo, but I think we can safely say you got burned on a bum report. And hey, if I’m wrong, and the iTV does ship before mid-May, well, I’m sure me and Techno Buffalo can come to an arrangement about something disgustingly symbolic that I can eat to show that I was wrong.

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