8 optimistic takeaways from Apple’s slumptastic earnings call

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Is it time for Apple to get spiritual?
Is it time for Apple to get spiritual?
Photo: Ste Smith/Cult of Mac (original image: Wired)

With quarterly revenue declining for the first time in more than a decade, Apple execs Tim Cook and Luca Maestri put on their game faces during today’s Apple earnings call to tell us why things aren’t really all that bad in Cupertino.

The sad truth is that slumping iPhone sales, which joined the iPad and Mac lineups in the down column, will likely take a toll on Apple’s image — and on its stock price.

Still, there were plenty of other intriguing and optimism-inspiring things we heard during Apple’s Q2 2016 earnings call. Here are the most important takeaways from this historic Apple moment.

The 5 biggest takeaways from Apple’s biggest quarter ever

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It's a veritable tornado of cash!
It's a veritable tornado of cash!
Photo: PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay

Apple reported record revenue during its earnings call Tuesday, but Tim Cook almost sounded like he was channeling Game of Thrones characters. He didn’t actually say “winter is coming,” but he might as well have.

Revenue is high for now, but iPhone sales are slowing down, the iPad continues to underperform and — most troublesome of all — the global economy will continue to play havoc with Apple’s bottom line.

Still, Cook and Co. remain optimistic about Apple’s ability to continue its world-beating performance. Here are five of the biggest takeaways we got from Apple’s Q1 2016 earnings call today with Cook and Apple CFO Luca Maestri.

Trust the magic pipeline and other key takeaways from Apple’s Q3 earnings call

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Last quarter was bright but the future's even brighter, according to Apple.
Last quarter was bright but the future's even brighter, according to Apple.

Even Apple execs sounded pleasantly surprised as they revealed last quarter’s mostly higher-than-expected numbers Tuesday. But in what’s become something of a refrain in Cupertino, they couldn’t stop themselves from vague and knowing references to the incredible products waiting in the magical Apple pipeline.

Trust us, they seemed to say: Last quarter’s net profit of $7.7 billion — fueled by robust sales of iPhones, MacBooks and a surprisingly strong showing in the iTunes Software and Services category — was totally great, but wait till you see what we’ve got up our sleeves.

“We’re expecting a very busy fall,” said Luca Maestri, Apple’s chief financial officer. “We’re very excited about what’s in the pipeline.”

What else did Apple executives have to say during Tuesday’s Q3 earnings call? Here’s our take on everything you need to know from the latest numbers talk.

Rogue Trader Winds Up In Jail After Fraudulently Purchasing $1 Billion Of Apple Stock

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Heading
Heading
Photo: The Dark Knight

If you’re looking for a way to get rich overnight, here’s an idea: somehow borrow $1 billion without anyone knowing what you’re doing, invest it all in Apple shares the night before an earnings call (when the stock price is all but guaranteed to rise), immediately sell the next morning, return the original capital, and then pocket the profit without anyone the wiser.

Sound too straightforward to be true? That’s because it is — although that didn’t stop 40 year old trader David Miller from trying the stunt back in 2012.