Jeremy Toeman

Please don’t look at the following images on a full stomach:

Tech bloggers are salivating over the possibility that the Verizon iPhone will create a “Perfect Media Storm” when it is released on February 10.

“These kinds of stories only come along every generation or so,” said one industry expert who insisted on anonymity for this article (and also insisted on ordering Lobster during our off-the-record lunch). “Really monumental tech events expand rapidly across the media landscape until almost every single headline is focused on that piece of news. It is a remarkable and terrifying occurrence, I’ve heard tell.”

Pundits are warning that the Verizon iPhone launch will attract noticeable attention from the Main Stream Media, including obligatory “lining up” segments on local newscasts, and a variety of daytime TV clips. Add to that scenario the brewing social media battles between Apple fan boys and iPhone haters and you have a tech news super cell that is capable of generating Apple headlines for weeks on end.

Even spammers will contribute to the upcoming media tsunami with their unending stream of boorish VeriPhone “opinion pieces” that are nothing more than keyword targeted word salad or repurposed content from legitimate sites. Angry AT&T users could also foment media attention as they publicly bash their aging network.

While no one can predict what the actual Verizon iPhone media storm will look like, expect it to pick up speed starting early next week.

Teaser articles with flashy headlines will appear first, hinting at the raging media storm that will soon follow. Then, as review units are tested, expect a sustained torrent of “under the hood” coverage from all areas of tech media.

Finally, on February 10, the event will make landfall with national news and cable networks cutting together segments comprised primarily of glamour shots of the new phone and happy Verizon customers getting their Apple devices.

What follows is a sampling of headlines sure to appear during the impending Verizon iPhone media storm. Prepare yourself and your loved ones for this type of journalism, as we will see much more of it in the days ahead.

Can You Hear Me Now? Comparing Dropped Call Data on Verizon and AT&T

OVERCLOCKED: Which iPhone Is Faster?

Top Ten Verizon iPhone Tips and Tricks

Which Network Really Has You Covered?

There’s an App for That – A Detailed look at how the app experience plays out on both networks.

Verizon iPhone Ships a “Billion Million” Units – Predictions of units sold in the coming months from tech press and analysts.

I’m returning My Verizon iPhone

Apple Stock: How High is Too High?

Why Android Is The Best Smartphone EVER!

This Guy’s Blog Post is WRONG!

No Way! That Other Blog Post is WRONG! – A protracted back and forth between two tech journalists to elicit links, coverage, and increased attention.

Where is the White iPhone?

How The Verizon iPhone is a Win for AT&T

I Told You So: How I Predicted All of This Over a Year Ago

iPhone, Therefore I Am

The iPhone as Fashion Statement

Why I Hate The Verizon iPhone

Why I’m Leaving AT&T

This Verizon iPhone Top Ten List Goes To Eleven

How the iPhone Reinvented Telephony

One iPhone to Rule Them All

“It almost never happens, but these giant media storms have occurred in the past,” said our source. “This new iPhone is something like the moon landing, really.”

There are some great iPad apps out there (Evernote is one of my personal favorites). The tablet form factor and the touch screen make for some incredible mobile computing experiences.

But – as Poison said – every rose has its thorn. For every Star Walk, there is a box of virtual chocolates. For every Marvel Reader there is an iFart.

One would think that app developers would always strive for excellence and innovation in their work. Sadly, this is not always the case. One would further think that market forces, evolutionary pressures and/or iTunes executives would remove all terrible apps from the Apple App store. This, also sadly, is not the case.

So for fans of terrible iPad Apps and developers looking to cash in on low hanging fruit (pardon the pun), here are 10 tips for creating a terrible iPad App.

When the iPad was first announced, the little “lock switch” was originally intended to be a mute toggle.  When the product launched, it was a “screen orientation lock”.  Apparently it’s headed back for mute purposes.  I think it’s a shame, as I see several paths to more usefulness.

This Wednesday, Apple holds a media event in Cupertino entitled “Back To The Mac.” As soon as they sent out the invitations, the internet started frothing with rumors. What will OS X 10.7 look like? Will there be a new MacBook Air? Will my iPad finally make coffee? The list of apple rumors is tremendous. Vegas odds makers are even taking bets on what Apple will unveil during the announcement.

I think the New York Times bits blog described the frantic Apple rumor mongering best:

When Apple makes an announcement about a coming press event it can sometimes feel like the National Hurricane Center has identified a new hurricane.

There is usually rampant speculation surrounding the importance and impact of the event: Will it be a Category 5 announcement with a revolutionary device, or a less-important Category 1, with basic updates to operating systems or gadgets?

Keeping with this tradition, the blogosphere was in full swing on Friday as technology experts and Apple fans tried to guess what Apple’s chief executive will announce next Wednesday when the company hosts “a sneak peek of the next major version of Mac OS X,” and other new products.

And this isn’t a new phenomenon. This happens Every. Single. Time.

I wanted to know why. How can a computer company create such a frenzied pitch about a routine product announcement? And what can other companies learn from the Apple method? After looking at Apple product launch and product development strategies, I have come up with a few deductions. Here are some of the secrets that make Apple fans incredibly loyal and the press keenly interested in Mac product updates.

There is a great video of Steve Jobs giving an interview to 60 Minutes in which he states – rather boldly – that the problem with Microsoft is that they “simply have no taste.” He goes on to say that the Windows firm has “no originality” and “no culture infused into products.”

Hello readers. Look at this remote. Now at your hands. Now back to the remote. Now back to your hands.

Maybe it’s a joke. Maybe it’s a clever ruse. Maybe it’s a prototype. Maybe it’s clever CGI like they used for Gollum. I have no idea. But the picture here (sourced from Engadget) is supposedly the remote control shipping with Sony’s TVs that have Google TV integrated inside. It is, in a word, a monstrosity (my friend MG said it best, “My God, it’s full of buttons!”).

Here are all the things wrong with it, in a nutshell:

CNET has a great article up that details the secrets of Apple’s customer service. Erica Ogg highlights the recent findings of the University of Michigan’s American Customer Satisfaction Index, a sort of Michelin guide for customer service and appreciation. Apple not only earned its highest score to date in this survey, it established a monster lead over other PC makers.

The real story is how much further ahead of its peers Apple is in this [survey]. The Mac maker’s nine-point lead is now the largest lead any company has over its competition in any of the 45 categories that the ACSI study surveys–including home appliances, gas stations, autos, e-commerce, airlines, and more.

The real secret to Apple’s success is that there are no secrets.