Ask A Genius Anything: To Be Continued…

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askageniusanything

Thanks to the Illumanati-like secrecy established by El Jobso, getting a real answer from anyone at Apple is as rare as a rainbow jellybean unicorn.

Even simple questions like “are other customers having this issue?” get averted, dodged and deflected ad nauseum, so six months ago we created the Ask A Genius Anything column to get some real answers for fans on what happens at Apple.

Unfortunately, our brave Genius is hanging up his Apple lanyard for a new career opportunities. Over the past six months he’s dished on everything from Apple policy, to how to fix hardware issues, while also dispensing tips on how to ask a Genius out and whether drinking on the job is a no-no.

We’re still looking for a new secret Genius to fill his shoes (if you’re interested, send us an email), but in the meantime, here are our five favorite answers from Cult of Mac’s Secret Genius #1:

Q: What are you *never* allowed to say to customers?

Employees are taught not to use certain words that might tarnish the image of the brand. We are constantly in a struggle to portray Apple as positively as possible so that our customers return to buy from us again.

Here’s an idea of some of guidance I received when going through training:

  • Never say “crash,” instead say “quit unexpectedly.”
  • Your iPhone isn’t “frozen,” it’s “unresponsive.”
  • Your MacBook did not crash, it “powered off unexpectedly.”
  • it’s not a “bug,” it’s a “software issue.”
  • Never say “unfortunately,” use something to portray the situation in a better light like, “as it turns out…”
  • Instead of saying the iPhone is “incompatible” with something we are supposed to say, “it does not work with…”

Q: Have you ever worked drunk?

The job can be pretty stressful sometimes. Occasionally, I’ll have a drink before work or on a lunch break. It’s not a bad way to relax and most of the managers at the store don’t care unless you’re always coming in sloppy drunk.

There are always a few situations throughout the day where it’d be great to take a short drink break after helping out a particularly horrible customer, but I don’t make it a habit. Fixing people’s iPhones really isn’t any easier after a few drinks, so there are few benefits to being hammered on the job. As for what happens after work, it isn’t uncommon for employees and managers to meet up and toss back a few.

Q: Can you date customers? Any tips on how to ask a Genius out?

Dating customers is against Apple policy. The policy protects both the employee as well as the customer. I have seen customers who come in consistently to get “help” from the same employee multiple times who are definitely interested, but this only makes the employee less likely to actually pursue something.

If you are love struck by your technician at the Genius Bar, I suggest the straightforward approach. Ask for a card and give them your number maybe or ask them if you can have their number. Don’t be surprised if they say they can’t contact you, but tell them to call you outside of work. Don’t let a little Apple policy keep you from your love connection, but don’t make them completely say no by coming on to someone while they are at work.

 Q: How much do you get paid, what hours do you work and how much continual study is required?

I get paid about $14 an hour. Pay ranges anywhere from $10-$20 an hour in the retail stores depending on position, hours, and performance. I work about 30 hours a week because I am part-time, usually on the shy side so I can keep my part-time status. My hours vary but they always fit my personal schedule because each employee submits their hours of availability and is scheduled accordingly, after approval.

As far as training goes, Apple actively trains its workforce. We are trained before we begin the job to deliver superior service and we are trained on new systems, products and software as they become available. If you are looking to advance, Apple will help train you to be ready for any future positions. I was surprised by the non-technical nature of training when I started at Apple. Most of the training I received was customer-service oriented and the technical training I needed for the job was either previous experience or was gained as I encountered issues and sought out a solution.

Q: What’s the most common lie you hear at the Genius Bar?

Geniuses and Family Room Specialists alike have to come up with a fair amount of excuses to explain to customers what’s wrong with their device. The worst excuse and the most commonly told lie at the Genius Bar is for known issues to be called “rare.”

I can’t stand it when a Genius tells a customer that a sleep/wake button failing on an iPhone is rare or that a battery needing service before being completely consumed is uncommon. I don’t know any statistics on failure rates, but I know I handle a fair number of these “rare” issues enough to say that they aren’t rare.

It’s a sort of white lie that reassures customers that the problem was a fluke and that they can trust in Apple’s products in the future. I think it’s better to explain common issues as known issues and just to provide the solution rather than lie about it. The lie gets harder to tell to a customer should the replacement product or repaired device have the same issue down the road.

 

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