Kanye West Types So Hard He ALMOST BREAKS His MacBook Air

Increasingly cartoonish rap star Kanye West has been savagely bashed for showing up two hours late to his own 3 a.m. set at the giant Bonnaroo music festival the other weekend. He finally responded to his critics via his blog last night, and in so doing, coined the wimpiest tough guy catch phrase ever:

But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I’ve ever had in my life. This is the most offended I’ve ever been… this is the maddest I ever will be. I’m typing so f***ing hard I might break my f***ing Mac book Air!!!!!!!!

Oh! Run for your lives! He has a MacBook Air and he’s typing REALLY HARD on it! But not hard enough to break it, thanks to Apple’s superior design and engineering!!!!

I’m seriously trying to come up with a wimpier way to express rage as expressed through communication style: “I’m tapping my index finger so hard against my iPhone that I am probably going to misspell some words!!!1!” “I’m so furious that I may just wait a few days to confirm the details of our acquaintance on Facebook!!!!!” “I’m writing you this Christmas Card in such a rage that I might forget to include my BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!1!”

Congratulations, Apple. You just set the benchmark.

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Thanks, Adam.

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