WTF App Of The Week: When Should You Kiss?

Seriously: WTF?

My original plan when downloading this app was to use it as the basis for a little light humor.

“Sorry readers, can’t write another word, my phone is telling me to go and kiss someone.” That sort of thing.

But after downloading it, I made a terrible mistake: I actually tried using it. It turns out When Should You Kiss is the worst thing I’ve seen on iOS for a long, long time.

Right now it’s a free app, but according to App Shopper, it used to be $2.99. Whatever you do, don’t spend money on it under any circumstances.

The first thing you see is an advert. Just like a pop-up window on a website, complete with a little “x” close box in the top-right corner. Next, you see a “tip” about kissing. Tips like the one above. Or this one:

Oh, so that's how you do it

Along the bottom of the screen are some icons, some of which are obvious, some of which aren’t. I tapped one of the non-obvious ones. It took me to a list of more adverts, for other apps. That’s right: this app includes a button that takes you to a list of adverts. Helpful.

One of the more obvious controls is for sending a particular kissing tip by email. Tap that, and an email message is generated for you, containing the contents of the tip (and, of course, an advert pasted in underneath). But you want to know the worst thing? This auto-generated email has the developer’s email address pre-filled in the BCC field:

Even more WTF?

So should anyone be foolish enough to (a) waste their time using the app and (b) hate someone else enough to send them an email about it, the cunning developers behind When Should You Kiss will know who sent it and to whom it was sent.

Who knows what they might do with those email addresses they’ve collected; I can hazard a guess or two.

Seriously, this app is beyond a joke. It’s not just a bad app, it’s a nasty app. Its primary goal isn’t helping the love-lorn, but rather bombarding them with ads and luring them into revealing their own and other people’s email contacts.

Remember when Apple published its App Store Review Guidelines document (we covered it here last year)? The one that said:

Above all else, join us in trying to surprise and delight users. Show them their world in innovative ways, and let them interact with it like never before. In our experience, users really respond to polish, both in functionality and user interface. Go the extra mile. Give them more than they expect. And take them places where they have never been before.

Remember that? Wonder what happened to that policy.

  • Mark

    To be fair, this app does address many of those things the policy suggests.
    (a) It surprises us by just how godawful it is;(b) It shows us the world in an innovative way – what better way to demonstrate how underhand and calculating people can be in getting you to divulge your personal interactions;(c) It goes the extra mile and gives us more than we expect – what other apps can you think off that devotes precious real esate to a dedicated button for *more* adverts?(d) It takes people to places they haven’t been before by immersing them in spam hell, by the looks of it.Pretty good hit rate, I’d say. The apps developers are chancers who’ve struck lucky by having their app approved. I’d say a portion of the blame lies squarely at Apple’s door for sanctioning its entry into the app store in the first place, instead of recognising it for the sack of utter crap it clearly is.

    MM

About the author

Giles TurnbullGiles Turnbull is a freelance writer in England. He also writes for the Press Association and The Morning News. You can find out more at his website, and follow him on Twitter @gilest.

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